2023’s Rookie Housewives, Ranked
James Holden This article originally ran in the Housewives Institute Bulletin.
One of the key features of the Real Housewives franchise is a steady supply of new cast members each year for us to love and/or hate and/or love to hate and/or hate to love. Thanks in large part to the RHONY reboot, 2023 had a bumper crop of new women joining Andy Cohen’s little reality-television mafia, so in celebration of another robust year of Housewifery, the Institute is issuing its official judgment of this year’s new recruits.
These judgments are both scientific and spiritual. I considered fan reaction, possibility for longevity, ingenuity in the Reality Television Arts and Sciences, overall personal style, and whether or not I like them. I also consulted with both Eileen Davidson and the Celestials, so the list is blessed on the highest levels. Here are 2023’s newbie Housewives, ranked from worst to best, because one of the other key features of the Real Housewives franchise is judging absolutely everyone.
14. Nneka Ihim (RHOP): I’m sorry, but Nneka is a flop. She showed up with her sights targeted on fellow Nigerian Wendy Osefo, but the only drama she has is some nonsense about her sister’s cousin’s best friend’s momma saying that Wendy’s sister-in-law is a bitch and her momma is casting spells on them. It’s more convoluted than trying to do a Rubik’s cube while watching Inception. Try less hard, Nneka. Way less hard.
13. Erin Lichy (RHONY): It’s not the Trump donations or the lackluster explanation of why she made them that landed her here, but they are emblematic of how Erin behaved on the show. She would do something stupid, not apologize for it, and try to rewrite history so that the bad thing she did doesn’t exist, at least in her mind. But the real reason she’s ranked so low is her awful treatment of co-stars Ubah (“Ubah. Come.”) and Jessel, thinking she was above being nice to everyone. And, yeah, those Trump donations didn’t help.
12. Jennifer Pedranti (RHOC): It’s hard to judge Jen because most of her storyline wasn’t even about her, it was about her player boyfriend Ryan, who does not seem like a good match for her. Instead of tussling with the rest of the cast, she just sat there taking Tamra’s barbs and barely even fighting back. I was hoping for more, but at this point OC is so screwed I don’t think one newbie is gonna save it.
11. Angie Katsanevas (RHOSLC): This is Angie K’s second season, but her first as a full-fledged Housewife. I didn’t like her last season and I don’t like her now that she’s the only Angie left standing. All Spanakopita Jones gives us is overly complicated drama, intergalactic outfits, and reminders that she’s Greek. While she’s chilled out a little bit in the second half of the season, she’s still dressing like Judy Jetson on her way to prom just so she can glare at her husband in a fast-casual restaurant in a strip mall.
10. Sai De Silva (RHONY): Fans have forgiven Housewives for being meddling, for being oblivious, and for being literal criminals. We’ll give the ladies a wide berth. But it’s hard to come back from being mean. From shouting at Jessel for telling complicated stories to attacking Jessel’s marriage and calling her a liar based on a misunderstanding about plane tickets, Sai didn’t have the best showing this season. However, based on her canny reunion performance, I think we’re going to see a nicer, more self-aware Sai in season two.
9. Danielle Cabral (RHONJ): Danielle’s placement behind fellow newbie Rachel would be even sadder if “friends of” were included in this list, because she’d be behind Jennifer Fessler, too. It’s not that Danielle was bad, per se, just a little bit annoying and so far up Teresa’s ass that she could whisper a secret in Jennifer Aydin’s ear. Also, we could have used a full explanation of why she and her brother aren’t talking. But once she figured out at the reunion that both Jen and Teresa played her in their war against Team Melissa, I started to see the potential in the Garden State’s new blondie.
8. Ubah Hassan (RHONY): When Ubah went into the kitchen of Topping Rose and stole a can of coconut milk I thought for sure she was going to be too intentionally wacky. But as the season progressed she slowed down and proved to be one of the few NY women willing to stand up for herself. She might have gone too far snatching Erin’s glasses off her face and come on a bit too strong at the reunion, but otherwise she’s an amusing addition to this wonderfully diverse cast.
7. Annemarie Wiley (RHOBH): As of press time, Annemarie has only been in two (2) episodes so far. Due to the Eileen Davidson Accords that require we wait five episodes before formally judging a Housewife, we’re leaving her right here in the neutral center position. We reserve the right to retroactively change this ranking in January.
6. Brynn Whitfield (RHONY): Housewives has always been a comedy at its core, which means that the funniest of the new batch should have a position high up on the list. Gorgeous, fun, flirty, and quick with a quip, Brynn is aiming for Bethenny Frankel 2.0 but without the sharp edges. I loved learning about her heartbreaking upbringing, but next season we could stand to learn more about her job and her life in the city. Also, mad props for her viral BravoCon moment with the shoes.
5. Rachel Fuda (RHONJ): I can’t quite explain it, but I just love Rachel. Maybe it’s because she has a gorgeous little button nose. Maybe it’s because she loves her stepson so much she adopted him as her own. Maybe it’s because she chose the right side of history (a.k.a. Team Melissa) when she joined the show. I’m not sure what it is, but she’s sure got it.
4. Jessel Taank (RHONY): Most of the reboot’s iconic first-season moments — TriBeCa, looking like a Christmas tree, choosing a preschool based on their charcuterie platter — are thanks to Jessel, the queen of obliviousness. She was so completely herself that she forgot to care what people would think of her, and that made fans fall for her. That she was on the receiving end of mean-girl energy for most of the season also certainly helped. It’s hard to come back from barfing on the red carpet at the show’s premiere (honestly, iconic), but Jessel sure figured out how.
3. Pavit Randhawa (RHONY): The unofficial seventh New York Housewife gets an honorary placement in this ranking in recognition of his own contributions to the reboot’s contentious first season. For a second it seemed like all the ladies were coming for Pavit — well, at least Sai and Erin, who were confused about his solo trip to Vietnam and accusing him of misdeeds while away from Jessel. He responded with an absolutely hilarious recap of the trip and an appearance on Instagram live with his hero The Points Guy, and became the nerdy prince Bravo fans never knew they wanted. Aside from his one quickly rescinded comment about Sai being “bipolar,” he came out of the season a squeaky-clean, unexpectedly central character.
2. Jenna Lyons (RHONY): We have entered the age of the anti-Housewife. We’re so used to seeing women who want to be on these shows so badly (see Nneka and Angie) that the only thing that’s really original is someone who seems to hate being there. When RHONY’s biggest drama unfolded on a girls’ trip, Jenna headed for her room and worked. Hey, business class is expensive. She gave the reboot some much-needed clout and then let the rest of the women carry the show. That’s why she’s Jenna Fuckin’ Lyons, and I’m gonna be pissed if she doesn’t give us another season.
1. Monica Garcia (RHOSLC): She showed up as Jen Shah’s former assistant who testified against her and followed that up with getting thrown out of the Mormon church for having an affair with her brother-in-law. It would seem that Monica is absolutely crazy, and she is, but she’s also almost always right (and shockingly kind in her efforts to makesure Meredith and Mary always have a friend). She immediately clocked Lisa as being out of touch about losing her $60,000 ring, and has kept her bothered ever since. While it may seem similar, this is different than Erin and Sai coming after Jessel: Monica, as a newbie and the least wealthy of the cast, is an underdog, and Lisa has been shouting down these women for years and never taking accountability for her actions. The rest of the cast has given up getting into it with her. After meeting Monica’s monster of a mother, it’s clear that she is used to fighting and not afraid to do it, and is therefore the much needed check to Lisa’s Wendy’s-loving id. I can’t wait to see if her lawsuit against Heather is the big reveal for the second half of the season.
