Some of us are lucky enough to consider our moms as one of our biggest cheerleaders, fiercest protectors, and best friends. She is someone we know we can rely on for a shoulder to cry on during life’s toughest moments, a hand to hold on to during the highlights of our lives, and just a person we can comfortably dish with. 

Unfortunately for others, their mothers are their biggest nightmare. Even when they no longer live under their regime and become mothers themselves (hopefully much better than the ones they had), it can still be difficult for them to deal with the trauma their narcissistic and emotionally abusive mothers put them through. 

If you grew up with a boundaryless, inconsiderate mother and are seeking ways to help you process your emotions, look no further than @catherinethe_grace’s TikTok page. 

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The “toxic mom recovery coach” is helping those with remorseless mothers deal with their trauma in healthy ways, and helps people recognize the important signs that they may have grown up with an “emotionally immature mom” who disrespected their boundaries time and time again. 

She revealed the top 3 signs that imply you grew up with an ‘emotionally immature’ mother. 

Instead of stating the obvious such as “she said mean things to you” or “she didn’t make you feel safe,” Catherine delves into specific reasons why some people believe that growing up with their mother was toxic, and that she was emotionally abusive and immature. 

1. You often feel like you’re the parent of the relationship.

Whether this be comforting your mother after you upset her by asserting your boundaries, or reminding her that you need to eat dinner, it can most certainly take a toll on your well-being. 

2. Your mother is competitive with you. 

As a parent, you should be supporting your child on the sidelines, not typing to swipe their spotlight. 

3. Your mother is jealous of your relationships with others or your accomplishments.

This goes hand in hand with the previous sign. 

In a follow-up video, Catherine dives even further into the issue and explains possible reasons why your mother cannot respect your boundaries. 

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“She can’t respect your boundaries because she feels like it’s an affront (attack) on her,” Catherine says. “So when you say, ‘Mom, can you stop that, Mom, can we do this differently, no Mom, I can’t do it this day, can we do this day instead?’ To her, because she’s so emotionally immature, it feels like a personal attack.” 

She adds that over time, your own personal concerns begin to diminish as you focus on your mother’s needs to avoid upsetting her. As the child of the relationship, this is not how it should be. 

“Your mom had her whole life to live her life, to make her decisions, to do her things, and now if you’re an adult, it is your right to pursue the life that you want,” Catherine says. “It’s okay for you to set limits to make space for your mom to come into your life rather than your whole life being focused on her.” 

If a mother’s job is supposed to protect and love her children, why do some of them feel the need to compete with them, specifically with their daughters?

According to behavioral psychologists, some mothers could feel resentment toward their own children due to their own unfulfillment in their lives and can perceive their children as a threat due to their youth, accomplishments, and opportunities. 

“They grew up in an environment where they were to reflect well on their mom but never outshine her,” Dr. Karyl McBride wrote in her book “Will I Ever Be Good Enough?: Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers,” of those who grew up with emotionally immature and narcissistic mothers. ”In the process, they suppressed their own needs and desires in favor of hers.” 

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Even as adults, the people affected often neglect themselves and have low self-esteem due to their upbringing. Fortunately, there are important steps you can partake in to start the emotional healing process.

“The best way is to deal with the emotional wounds on the subconscious level,” Catherine addresses in a follow-up video. “One of the best ways to do this is with hypnotherapy, which is what I use with my clients.” 

Hypnotherapy is a type of mind-body medicine that allows one to engage in a state of deep relaxation and concentration, with a certified hypnotist guiding you through the process using imagery, repetition, and verbal cues. It has been said to help people healthily process and alleviate the pain of trauma. 

This is due to the fact that most forms of therapy focus on our conscious awareness of our trauma, while hypnotherapy allows our bodies to deal with and resolve trauma on an unconscious level. 

Meditation is also said to be an effective method of processing trauma. Luckily, Catherine documents and posts her own guided meditations for those who grew up with emotionally immature mothers, which allows them the space to work through their emotions. 

A mother is supposed to be a figure in your life who will put aside anything and everything she can in order to do what it truly in the best interest of her children, whatever that may be. She is meant to be your support system, companion, and caretaker, not someone you grow up to fear and resent. 

If so, then she has neglected her duties as a mother. 

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Megan Quinn is a writer at YourTango who covers entertainment and news, self, love, and relationships.