9 Subtle Behaviors That Instantly Attract People To You

I had a socially-anxious youth, continuously in self-doubt and concerned for the thoughts and judgements of others.

The discomfort in growing up compelled me to better understand human behaviour and be a bit less of a nerd.

Here are 9 subtle behaviors that instantly attract people to you:

1. Have a soft yet direct expression.

Staring intensely into someone’s eyes without flinching is more likely to attract a restraining order than the person in front of you.

But that’s not to say eye contact isn’t a good thing.

Look gently into the endless space of another’s eyes while softening your face with a gentle smile. Do this while occasionally looking away.

Now, that’s interesting, and many will feel attracted to that.

2. Slow down.

I can be a jumpy dude when I’m nervous, especially after a coffee.

Speaking and moving in quick, jerky movements is normal for many. Being slow demonstrates status and emotional control while calming you down so you think more clearly.

This habit becomes more of a ‘part of you’ over time.

3. Ask a unique question.

Most people harp on about themselves and their woes.

They are immersed in the world of ‘me.’

You will stand out by showing curiosity for others, especially by asking something unusual about the person in front of you.

4. Stop trying to compete.

You set yourself apart when you don’t need to inject continuous chat, humour and opinions into a conversation.

Allow space and silence to appear. Give the floor to the person in front of you by asking curious questions.

Don’t interrupt. Stop trying to prove yourself. No one needs to win an argument.

You win by letting things be and making the other person look good.

5. Care for the small details.

It’s easy to criticise those who take care of their appearance as ‘superficial’ or even ‘narcissistic.’

But we’re not talking about obsessive self-concern; instead, taking care of the finer details suggests an attractive self-respect.

You needn’t be over-the-top because that looks try-hard.

Subtle care for little details like a fresh haircut, cool bracelet, and well-trimmed nails. That’s enough, and it’s interesting.

6. Be intentionally calming.

It’s easy to fall into the habit of self-conscious concern when in social situations.

‘Am I saying the right things?’

‘Do I look stupid?’ Etc.

Turn it around and take the lead.

Choose to enjoy your rendezvous, and allow your calm aura to relax those around you.

7. Be occasionally challenging.

Most people lack awareness beyond the obsessive need to please others.

This often means they stop listening and block their ability to think for themselves because they are too busy trying to come across well.

This forced ‘niceness’ can have the opposite intended effect, pushing people away.

Listen to what’s being said, and be a challenge sometimes.

You don’t need to go full dick mode, but you will appear attractive when you step in to challenge what someone has said with a glint in your eye.

8. Stop trying to be confident.

In following the advice to ‘be more confident,’ many shoot themselves in the thigh because, by trying, they add pressure.

Social situations become self-consciousness marathons rather than things to be enjoyed. You will be more confident when you have less on your mind and aren’t trying to do anything.

Relax physically, and you will be confident.

9. Let go of the idea that socializing is frightening.

I spent most of my life nervous because I viewed social situations as a source of fear.

I believed others had the power to lower my self-esteem because I attached significance to criticism.

Everything turned around when I found a way to relax and enjoy the company of others.

No one had the power to lower my confidence. Only me.

This ease will inspire others. Be the inspiration, not the deer in the headlights.

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Alex Mathers is a writer and coach who helps you build a money-making personal brand with your knowledge and skills while staying mentally resilient.

This article was originally published at Medium. Reprinted with permission from the author.