Hand-to-bum contact, if you can pull it off without cracking up (heh, we said crack), is a great way to add some kinky flavor to your next sesh. It’s intimate, it’s saucy, and — when compared to, say, a whip or a flogger — it’s safe for newbies to try out. Also, one study found that it can actually bring couples closer. Now that’s something we can get behind (sorry…).

Try a few spanks during a particularly passionate bout of intercourse, or make spanking the main goal. If you’re keen on the latter, then follow these important guidelines:

1. Have the spankee lie across your lap, kneel on a bed, stretch out stomach-down, or bend over something they can put their full weight on for comfort.

2. Remove all your bracelets and rings.

3. Start with a bum massage to warm things up.

4. When it comes to actually spanking, start slowly and build up intensity gradually with your partner’s permission, varying your pressure and strokes. You may even want to begin over jeans or underwear first. Keep checking in with your partner to make sure the pain is pleasant — you’re going for a rosie glow, not an imposed inability to sit down for three days.

5. Contain your spanking to the lower, fleshier halves of each cheek and the backs of the upper thighs (even if you’re just having a spanking snack during sex, this area should be your target) — avoid the lower back, tailbone, and back of the knees.

6. Follow each love pat with a short massage, too, to spread out the pain and keep things nice and warm.

7. A woman might like particular attention paid at the intersection of bum crack and crease, with the vibrations reverberating throughout the vulva, but definitely steer clear of his family jewels.

8. Remember that, because of your close proximity to your partner, spanking is especially great for pleasantly diddling their front side while patting their backside.

9. If you don’t want your hand to get numb, let a paddle do the work. It’s easy to control the aim and the force (way easier than whips, which are too dangerous for dabblers). Made-for-play paddles are available at any sex toy shop. However, there’s really no need to invest in a pricey paddle when you’ve got a variety of household items that’ll do the job: a wide plastic spatula, a rubber-soled slipper, and, of course, a ping pong paddle.

10. Need spanking inspiration? Check out Naughty Spanking Stories from A to Z by Rachel Kramer Bussel (there’s even a volume two if you can’t get enough spanking!).

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This article was originally published at Em & Lo. Reprinted with permission from the author.