Months after Alex Trebek revealed he had been diagnosed with stage four pancreatic cancer, the Jeopardy! icon — who has continued to host the show despite experiencing bouts of crippling pain — is now opening up about about his struggles with depression after the diagnosis. In a new interview with ABC, Trebek, who was joined by his wife Jean Trebek, said he often deals with unexpected “moments of depression and sadness” throughout the day. “It’s always tough for caretakers because she has to deal with her worrying about my well-being,” he explained. “I’m not always the most pleasant person to be around when I’m experiencing severe pain or depression, and she has to tread lightly around me.”

Trebek, who will be hosting Jeopardy!’s hotly anticipated Greatest of All Time Tournament next week, added that he’s accepted how pancreatic cancer might affect his health going into 2020. “I have learned something in the past year and it’s this: We don’t know when we’re going to die,” he explained. “Because of the cancer diagnosis, it’s no longer an open-ended life, it’s a closed-ended life because of the terrible survival rates of pancreatic cancer. Because of that, and something else that is operating here, people all over America and abroad have decided they want to let me know now, while I’m alive, about the impact that I’ve been having on their existence.” Even if those poignant moments come during an actual Jeopardy! taping, too.

Alex Trebek Says He’s Struggling With Depression