Below Deck Mediterranean Recap: That’s Your Job

Below Deck Mediterranean

Skeletons in the Cabin Season 7 Episode 4 Editor’s Rating 2 stars **

Below Deck Mediterranean

Skeletons in the Cabin Season 7 Episode 4 Editor’s Rating 2 stars **

All I’m saying is that this season would be rocky waters without the comedic relief that is Natalya and Kyle. I’m praising the powers that be for Kyle’s diatribe about what spice does to his asshole as well as for Natalya informing Kyle that his butthole needs a plug since he can’t stop farting. When Natalya says, “When the laundry’s out of control, I feel out of control,” that’s tidy-girl representation! Also, her translation of je ne sais pas as “Does that mean ‘Let’s jump off the side of the boat’?” Pure camp. Kyle didn’t lie when he said that if the tip was whopping, it would be because of the interior team. These people are the only ones keeping me from jumping overboard.

Before we dive into the drama that is Datasha or Raygan’s impending firing, I want to touch on our charter guests. When Emily Beutler & Co. arrive onboard, I was slightly confused by the group’s dynamics (as well as their personalities). Why is Noah, a 22-year-old kid, vacationing with people in their mid-30s? Maybe he is Emily’s younger brother? Maybe a cousin? Why has one of the guests never eaten lamb before? Why does this group need a minute-by-minute itinerary for how to spend their time between lunch and dinner? Is Noah a TikTok teen? Then Natalya said something that struck the inner investigative journalist in me. “I don’t even understand what the relationship is like here. An 18-year-old with a 32-year-old — I don’t understand it.” At first, I assumed she was confused by the group in general. Then, I thought, Huh … the relationship. After a quick Google search, I discovered that Emily and Noah are dating and expecting a child together. I’m overjoyed that someone who asks “Why drive when a helicopter can get you there faster?” is bringing a life into this world and will be responsible for raising that life. Congratulations!

I am already bored by Datasha. If Natasha is claiming that she wants to keep their relationship a secret because of the cheating, then that’s a lie because she blabs it all herself in her confessionals. Also, they could easily flub their timeline. How would any of these other crew members know about her past relationship anyway? It’s clear that Natasha is simply over Dave and blaming it on external factors instead of owning her feelings and dumping him. Nothing happens between the pair in this episode except for incredibly awkward and tense exchanges.

That brings us to the entrée of tonight’s episode: Raygan. At the top of the episode, Raygan recounts her chat with Captain Sandy to Storm. She contextualizes it as Sandy saying that “you guys” aren’t very organized. That’s not what Sandy said, Raygan; Sandy said you aren’t very organized. Then, during the deck meeting, Raygan tells her team to listen to Storm because he has more experience with superyachts than she does. Not great, Bob!

Then we see Raygan grazing in the galley kitchen while the rest of her team inflates all the water toys. Just a little later, in a move that is either the Bravo producers being shady or Raygan lying through her teeth, Raygan tells one of her deckies that she hasn’t eaten yet, so she needs to grab a bite. As someone who regularly forgets to eat and is simply too lazy to make food most of the time, I respect her self-care efforts! However, didn’t she just eat? Why is she asking Jason to take over the stern during dock, arguably one of the most important parts of the job, while she munches on a sandwich? Mzi wonders aloud where she is, and Storm radios out for her. She seemingly ignores the calls. When she finally pops back up, her team is clearly pissed. She reassures them, and the audience, by claiming she’s very comfortable when it comes to docking. Girl, you spoke too soon. It’s only then that Raygan commits a cardinal sin: She causes Sandy to crash into the dolphin on their way back to the dock.

I’m no bosun, but what Raygan calls three meters between the yacht and the dolphin looked more like one through my screen. Jason agrees before escalating the issue and informing Sandy that they are about to hit the dolphin. This obviously makes Sandy see red. She later pulls Storm for a chat, casually interrogating him about what he witnessed as they were docking. Unfortunately, Storm didn’t have eyes on Raygan’s side, so he can’t speak to what a colossal fuckup she’s being.

And the thing is it only gets worse! Once they dock, Jason asks Raygan for direction over the radio. What’s his next task? She tells him to do whatever he feels like. Sandy overhears this and huffs, “You make that call, bosun. That’s your job!” It was then that I knew Raygan’s days were numbered. Just mere minutes later, we see Sandy texting the yacht staff, asking for a new bosun. We end on a cliffhanger, but one thing is for sure: She’s firing Raygan’s ass!