The Athletic has your Fantasy football rankings week 3: Sleepers, projections, starts, sits

Friends,

Some people say that choosing a name for your newborn child can be stressful. Well, those people have clearly never tried coming up with a name for their fantasy football team.

The pressure associated with this annual burden cannot be overstated. Each year we’re tasked with coming up with a team name that will hopefully, if all goes well, get a light chuckle from our friends.

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Our ultimate goal is to come up with wordplay so clever that the other league members have no choice but to respond with a “hehe” or a “lol” in the group chat.

The pun you choose today will follow you throughout your entire fantasy football season. It’s the name that will be spoken aloud when you triumphantly hoist a 20-dollar Starbucks gift card at the end of the year (or whatever the prize is in your league.)

Luckily for you, I, Ryan George, am here to help. Throughout my career as an internet person (search my name on YouTube!) I’ve developed the ability to imagine silly football team names and then write those names down. A skill of which the value is frankly incalculable- which is probably why this is the first time I’ve ever been paid to do it.

So without further ado, here is a list of fantasy football team names to choose from that will completely change your life.*

*please note that this list of fantasy football team names is unlikely to change your life in any way, shape or form.

The Best Fantasy Football Team Names (2023 Edition)

1. Baltimore That’s So Ravens
2. Batman & The Ridder
3. Bijan, Trijan, Quadjan Robinson
4. Buffalo Bill’s Past Due
5. If you’re thinking about my baby, it don’t matter if you’re Rachaad White
6. Carolina’s Pants. Hers.
7. Catholic McCaffrey
8. Chicago Bears, Chicago Beets, Chicago Battlestar Galactica
9. Cincinnati Bagels
10. Cleveland Beiges
11. Cup o’ Tee Higgins
12. D’Onta Want Me Baby
13. Dallas Horsegirls
14. Denver Ford Broncos
15. Detroit Lions, Tigers & Bears
16. Double Big Mac Jones
17. Drake & Josh London
18. Dude, You’re Getting Odell
19. Elementary, Deshaun Watson
20. George Slim Pickens
21. Green Bay Package Could Not Be Delivered
22. Hair In The Breece
23. Herbert & Ernie
24. I Can Buy My Zay Flowers
25. I’m Sorry Miss Jaxon
26. Jacksonville Housecats
27. Jahmyr And Give Your Auntie A Kiss
28. Jalen Hurts So Good
29. Joe Burrow A Cup Of Sugar
30. Joe Mixon Bowl
31. Jonathan Taylor Thomas
32. Jordan Love the Way You Lie
33. Josh Allen the Family
34. Just Kidding Dobbins
35. Justin Fields of Barley
36. Kansas City, Yes Chefs
37. Kenneth Walker, Texas Ranger
38. Kilometers Sanders
39. Las Vegas Raiders of the Lost Ark
40. Los Angeles Charge It To The Group Tab, Please.
41. Los Angeles Ram Jams
42. Mahomes On Fire
43. Miami Dolph Lundgrens
44. Minnesota Hiking Enthusiasts
45. My Dinner With Rhamondre
46. N-N-N-New York & The Jets
47. New England Pastry Chefs
48. New Orleans Sinners
49. New York and the Giant Peach
50. Nick Chubb, But Just Got A Gym Membership
51. Now Available On CeeDee
52. Oh, Derrick Henry
53. Philadelphia Seagulls
54. Pittsburgh Stainless Steelers
55. Purdy Smart
56. Rashad Penny For Your Thoughts
57. Sam Howell At The Moon
58. San Francisco 62ers, Due To Inflation
59. Seattle Ocean Eagles
60. Seattle Seagulls
61. Smile For The Kamara
62. Tampa Bay Buccaneer, Far, Wherever You Are
63. Tank You Very Much
64. The Honorable Judgy Jeudy
65. The Indianapolis Colt 45 & Two Zig-Zags
66. The Tenneesee Tight-Ends
67. The Texan Houstons
68. Tony Pol-lard And Butter Crust
69. Trevor Lawrence of Arabia
70. Tua Tago-voila!
71. Washington Dictators
72. Yesjee Harriss

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(Top photo: Michael Owens/Getty Images)