When asking women for the description of the perfect man they seek, many describe the ‘alpha male’, believing that he is the manliest man ready to sweep her off of her feet and protect her from the evils of the world.

But that might not be the case, according to male psychology expert, Princella The Queen Maker.

In a clip that was stitched on TikTok by dating coach Anwar White, Princella explained the misconceptions that many of us have about what exactly an alpha male is.

“In this society, you have people who believe that an alpha male is a man who can dog and control women,” she started. She went on to say that those characteristics actually make men “weak” and that what actually makes a man "alpha" is the way he interacts with other men.

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White added to that revelation, explaining why women should stop dating alpha men.

“That is not the goal. That is not the flex, ladies,” the dating expert said, telling viewers that alpha men see themselves as ‘the prize’ and that them leading a woman means that she must blindly follow or chase him to keep the relationship going. 

White agreed with Princella in her assertion that alpha denotes interactions with other men, but went a step further, saying that a man who is labeled as such will lump his woman in and treat her the same way.

He tells women that they should be with a men he refers to as “alphabets."

According to White, an "alphabet" man is a blend of alpha male and beta male. This type of guy is in his "true masculinity," according to White, who promises that those kinds of men are the best of both worlds.

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Benefits of being with an alphabet man

To be clear, there are both desirable and not-so-desirable characteristics of those perceived to be alpha and those who are beta. White listed the benefits of joining both personas together into one man.

1. They respect your boundaries.

To exemplify this, the coach explained that alphabet men will text you to ask if you are available before calling you, while alphas are more likely to just set up a date with no input from you. While a man who takes charge might seem like a win, over time it becomes controlling when you don’t get to state your preferences. Beta men are more apt to let you lead and choose, something that also gets old, so striking a balance is best.

2. They value your opinions.

While alpha men might not care to hear your opinion, because their, of course, is the only one that matters, an alphabet guy will “seek to understand,” according to White. Alphas can be overbearing, while betas tend to keep their opinions to themselves. You want to be able to express yourself while also allowing valuable input from your partner.

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3. They don’t have to be the center of attention.

While alphas can be loud and boisterous, looking to be the center of attention, the alphabet has organized the gathering and made sure everyone who is supposed to be there is there. He is still charming and charismatic but does not need external validation to prove to himself that he is “the man.” A beta male might shrink into the corner until it’s time to leave, something that can come off as socially awkward and not the best experience.

4. They are providers.

While alphas like to go out and hunt, alphabets are there to provide. They don’t have to subscribe to archaic gender roles like women doing the cooking on holidays while the men kick their feet up. They are there to be of assistance in whatever way they can. They can bring home the bacon and cook it for you. A beta might be comfortable playing in the background and waiting for you to make things happen.

“I don’t want you to get with a Will Smith. I want you to get with a Jazzy Jeff,” says White. He tells women that we have been conditioned to seek out the ‘leader of the pack’, overlooking men who are balanced, healed, whole, and have a healthy view of relationships and how they should work.

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NyRee Ausler is a writer from Seattle, Washington, and author of seven books. She covers lifestyle and entertainment and news, as well as navigating the workplace and social issues.