I once received an email that read, "So, what are your thoughts on couples, or people in general for that matter, that abide by safe sex via proper use of condoms for PIV intercourse but then go ahead with bareback oral (fellatio or cunnilingus) and may even swallow with fellatio? This seems a very common paradigm yet seems so horribly hypocritical. Are people really just not thinking this through fully?"

I leaped to answer it.

Okay, so first, confession time. Up until about two years ago, I was one of these swingers. 100% condom usage for penetrative sex (penis in vagina, penis in anus) but not for blow jobs (the other penetrative sex).

Is this a big confession? Not really. Am I alone in this practice?

I'd say the vast majority of the world (behold as Coop makes sweeping generalizations with his bare hands!) practices what they term "safe sex" this way.

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Are they wrong? Hypocrites? Are they calling down the wrath of some Elder God to punish them for their misdeeds?

No.

'Cuz Cthulhu cares not for cunnilingus.

Anyway. So what happened? Why’d I change?

Well, used to be I'd wait around the week after playtime for the telltale signs of one or more STIs to start showing up —​ often feeling those telltale signs, because I'm a major hypochondriac and could feel absolutely anything WebMD said I might feel. This was even with partners who were careful and tested.

I had no reason to believe that they might have anything, but I was certain I had caught something.

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Eventually this feeling was so prevalent, I started to beg off of play dates.

I was asked very recently, "Doesn't oral sex suck with condoms and dental dams?"

To which I confidently replied, "A little."

"What? Coop! You're blowing the sex-positive cover here!" you say, assuring me that I should tow the company line that says it's not different at all.

But it is different. Without question.

Does a blowjob while wearing a condom suck a little bit? (Did ya like that turn of phrase?)

To wit, there’s a certain amount of awesome that is always inherent in a blowjob. Does a condom reduce it? Yeah, a little. Doesn't wearing a condom reduce the awesome during penetrative (see above) sex? Yeah, a little. Does a dental dam detract from the glory that is licking a woman's vagina? Yeah, for both parties, a little.

Does it keep you from getting diseases that may literally kill you? Yeah, a lot.

And here's my obligatory disclaimer that condoms and dental dams only prevent skin-to-skin infections like HPV and HSV for the areas that are covered by them.

But HSV and the vast majority of HPV strains won’t even try to kill you. The rest of HPV is a sneaky little bastard. Get PAP smears regularly. The more you know!

Then I answered the above question (about oral sex sucking with condoms and dental dams) by laying down one of the massive Glyde dental dams (my personal favorite) atop her vagina and going to town.

Having had my penis sucked while clad in a condom, I fully admit that it does cut down on the sensation slightly, but no more than it cuts down on the sensation during penetration.

And I know I don't have to say the words “Antibiotic Resistant Gonorrhea of the Throat” to remind you that a slight reduction in sensation can be a huge boost in survivability.

But maybe I'm just a whacko.

And my friend who experienced my tongue behind a barrier?

She said, "It's distracting at first, and a little bizarre, but with the right combination of skill and enthusiasm you forget it's there."

Yes, she did.

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Listen now: Cooper gives you the whys and hows of oral sex with a barrier. He also gets silly.

This article was originally published at My Life On The Swingset. Reprinted with permission from the author.