Have you ever wondered if soulmates, or kindred spirits are real? Maybe you’ve met someone and felt like you have known them forever. There is a feeling of coming home when you hold their hand. But all of the sudden, you break up, and now you feel empty and lost without them. And, you're left struggling to make sense of what happened to your relationship.

There is such a gift as a "soulmate." We really do meet as many (love) soulmates as we need in each lifetime. Every soulmate relationship is unique and the experiences are varied, because every soul is unique and self-directed at all times.

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A (love) soulmate is almost always someone we've had past lives with, and in many different capacities, like close friends, cousins or siblings; a soulmate will not always be a spouse or partner relationship.

A soulmate connection can be very intense and profound. But, it doesn’t mean that it will work out in this lifetime to be a satisfying, loving relationship.

A healthy soulmate will act respectful to you, and always be honest and faithful. They will let you be an independent, capable and happy adult. You get to be who you really are, and have your own interests and friends.

You can comfortably speak your truth and be heard. They are dependable and stable; you feel safe with them. You should also have these attributes, while fostering and encouraging all these things in them too.

​If someone you think is your soulmate is not doing these things, then that's their "free will" in action. But it means they're not a good match for you in this lifetime. You need to accept the reality of the relationship and take action to move on.

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No honest psychic is going to tell you your future soulmate's name, what they look like, how many kids you’ll have, or exactly when you will meet them. That is just to seem "all knowing" or their ego is getting in the way.

You can get information about their personalities and personal attributes, and a possible time-frame like a season, but there are no guarantees. 

We get as many soulmates as we need in every lifetime. But because someone is a soulmate does not mean it will work out, or we will find true happiness with them.

They have "free will" just like you do to create their life through their choices and actions. So if they are making bad or harmful decisions, or are not good to you, it's your responsibility to end the relationship - then clean out your wounds and move forward positively without them.​

When we put everything into another person we will always be left feeling like we have nothing if it does not work out.

We will always be waiting for something or someone outside of us to make us feel better, make us feel whole and complete, or satisfy what we think is missing. That is all an illusion.

Everything you need for happiness and success is inside of you alone. Our soulmates are just a complement to our life. They are not there to "complete" us. They can add incredible depth and happiness to your life, but you are the powerful creator of your life.

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You cannot wait for something magical to happen, or for a relationship to work out just because you really want it to. Be grounded in reality, and focus positively on yourself. You have to help yourself. That is not someone else's job, it's yours.

Some of my clients, when looking for their soulmates, are so focused outside of themselves because they are almost exclusively looking for a soulmate and love. They stop enjoying life. They start thinking they are not whole. That is their choice, but it isn’t true.

Sometimes your soulmate will not come into your life until you change your thoughts, actions and behaviors, especially those that have not been working for you in past relationships.

Until you change your ways to new self-empowering and productive actions and behaviors that are much more healthy and beneficial to you, you may not be able to have a thriving relationship. You have to clean out your own wounds so you start healing and moving forward.

The best thing you can do to move on from the heartbreak of losing your soulmate is to get out of the blame game, and the 'what could have been' thoughts. Accept the loss.

'Acceptance' does not mean we like or deserve what happened, it means we accept the reality of the situation (it ended) so we can stop suffering and move on.

Get back in your own lane. Put in the effort needed one step at a time to let go, and then start building a life that feels good now.

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It's never about judgment or punishment from our Spirit Guides or "the Divine" when a soulmate relationship doesn't work out - we are never punished or judged. We are always loved and helped.

It's about you and others using your beautiful gift of 'free will' to create your own life and make your own choices. To be able to consciously choose your life partner, and the quality of relationships that you have in your life.​

Build a life for yourself that you love whether you are in a relationship or not. It's always okay to want love and companionship, but never at the expense of your self-esteem, sense of wholeness, and ability to thrive even if you're single or lonely.

We are all beautiful, competent, and worthy adults.​

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Stacie Bannon is an energy healer, spiritual coach, and life coach who wants to help others build a beautiful life on their own terms. For more of her love and relationship advice, visit Stacie on Twitter.

This article was originally published at Stacie Bannon. Reprinted with permission from the author.