Ah, anal sex. The true final frontier.

Even people who consider themselves to be totally experienced sex gods sometimes shiver a little bit when it comes time to talking about putting a penis into a butt. But there's something captivating about anal sex. Like the dark side of the moon, it is mysterious and it calls to us.

If you don't know what you're doing, anal sex can be, at best, unsuccessful and at worst a very messy and painful experience. But there is absolutely no reason that you can't add anal sex to the list of things you love to do in the bedroom.

And anal sex isn't only for the guy's pleasure. If done right, it can feel amazing for women too.

So let me guide you through the steps in order to have hot anal sex that doesn't hurt. 

1. Experiment with anal play solo before you try it with a partner.

Sex is a whole lot better when you know your body and you are confident about what turns you on, and what doesn't. If you bring a partner into the bedroom for anal sex and you don't know anything about how your butt works, you are guaranteed a disappointing result. 

Exploring your butt with your fingers or smaller butt plugs can give you a good sense of just what kind of anal-play works best for you. If you come into the bedroom with a sense of what turns you on and what doesn't, it will make communicating with your partner and the anal sex you're striving more that much hotter. 

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2. Start slowly, and don't jump ahead to anal sex too soon.

So you've played around with your butt in your solo time and you know what works, that's great! But having a real penis go inside your butt is very different from you exploring all on your lonesome. Anal sex works best when you are relaxed, relaxed, relaxed. 

Start off with your usual foreplay, and even vaginal intercourse if you think that will help you relax. When you feel ready have your partner begin by massaging your sphincter and then using the fleshy pad of their finger (and NOT the tip) work their way inside your butt. 

3. Anal sex might get messy, and that's absolutely normal.

Let's talk about the giant elephant in the room: the poop. A lot of people are terrified of having anal sex, not because it's new, not because they are frightened of any potential pain, but because they are worried they are going to poop or they are going to expose their partner to poop. 

Look, this is your butt we're talking about here. it's where poop comes from. Your partner knows that. If he wants to have anal sex with you, he knows what he is getting into. Unless you feel the need to poop DURING sex, you'll most likely be fine. If there is poop, you'll clean yourself up and he'll clean himself off and that is that. If you want to preserve some mystery with your anal play, invest in black disposal gloves. 

4, Anal sex doesn't have to be painful at all, and your partner can help with that. 

A lot of people put off having anal sex because they are terrified that it is going to be very painful. Sex shouldn't EVER be painful (unless that's what your into, in which case, high five). The first few times you have anal sex may be uncomfortable, but that's just because it's new. 

To ensure that you feel good things and nothing bad, make sure you go very slowly. The head of the penis is the widest part of his penis, and once that's in, you've crossed the biggest hurdle. Make sure you're relaxed, comfortable, and talking to your partner. Communication is the key to your comfort during pain-free anal sex. 

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5. Lube isn't just important, it's essential for anal sex that doesn't hurt (and don't let anyone tell you otherwise). 

Yep, if you're having anal sex, you'll need to use lube. In fact, you'll need to use a comically large amount of lube, especially if you're worried about pain. Try an oil-based lube instead of a water-based lube during anal sex. Usually I'd recommend the other way around, but your butt isn't your vagina (and vice versa). 

Oil-based lubes stay wetter longer and that's something you need you want anal sex that doesn't hurt. If you think you haven't used enough lube, don't be afraid to use more. If you think you've used too much, you've probably used just the right amount. 

6. Find the anal sex position that works best for you and your partner. 

There is no one-size-fits-all perfect anal sex position. You need to experiment with what feels best for you. For some this might mean traditional missionary, for others,  laying on your tummy might provide the most comfortable point of entrance for you both.

Doggy style is a natural go to for anal sex, but it might not necessarily be the position you're the most comfortable in. Have fun with it, experiment which positions allows you to relax and enjoy the anal ride. 

7. Make sure you look after your health and that he looks after his. 

Because of the whole poop factor, clean up is important after anal sex for both you. Go to the bathroom after anal sex to clean yourself up and to allow any embarrassing sounds to escape your butt (it's been through some stuff, guys). 

More importantly don't let him come near your vagina with his penis unless he's washed it after anal sex. The vagina is a delicate ecosystem, and a poop-covered dick could send everything downstairs out of whack in a totally gnarly infection-catching way. 

Now go forth and get your anal on!