Las Culturistas, a culture podcast hosted by comedians Bowen Yang and Matt Rogers, returned to Lincoln Center for their annual Las Culturistas Culture Awards in New York City. Last year’s show featured celebrity guests (hey, Taylor Swift made a virtual appearance last year), sing-alongs, commitments to the bit, and references to Bravo shows. Saturday night’s show promised to highlight every high and low point in pop culture in the past year, Scandoval included. With over one hundred categories and “a glittering assemblage of young comedians and celebrity award presenters,” there probably needs to be an awards show for this awards show. The show took place on June 17, with Vulture sharing the culture via Instagram from the event.

Meanwhile, here’s the list of every single nomination with select winners — formal update coming soon. Bon appétit!

Biggest Jester

• Kyrsten Sinema
• New York Times’ anti-trans lookin’ ass
• Joker on the Joker Card - Deck of cards
• Lady Gaga as Harley Quinn

Biggest Flop

• Four Nights In Orlando: Truth Tellers
• Tanya McQuoid - The White Lotus
• Ginni Thomas; and while we’re at it? Clarence too!
• Waterworld starring Kevin Costner

Biggest Jester Flop

• Tom Sandoval
• Tom Schwartz
• Lydia Tár
• George Santos
• Kitara Ravache

Biggest Jester Flop in the Clown Square

• Elon Musk - Twitter
• The Green Eyed Bandits - The Real Housewives of Potomac and at large
• The studios who will not give the WGA a fair deal
• Raquel Leviss
• Tucker Carlson

Free Them! Award for Criminal Who Should Be Free

• The girls locked up at the end of the Pirates of the Caribbean ride
• Elizabeth “Liz” Holmes
• Han Solo

Biggest Night of Our Lives

• Tonight at the Las Culturista Culture Awards!
• The Oscars
• When a Fag Sees Adele, Las Vegas
• Youth group lock-in
• Date night with the love of my life, Michael. Love you, baby.

Finalist of the Year

• D’Arcy Carden
• Chappell Roan
• Betty Gilpin
• Melanie Lynskey
• Olympians

Melanie Lynskey Award for Most Sweetest Person

• Sammi Sweetheart - MTV’s Jersey Shore
• Toad - Nintendo
• Can’t remember her name but the girl from the other night
• Drew Barrymore

Free Willy Award for Animal Achievement

• Jenny the Donkey
• Mickey Mouse
• Tortoises, all
• The cast of The Secret Life of Pets

Best Skill to Have

• Drew Barrymore Impression
• Remembers names
• Changing a tire
• Fierce runway walk
• A sense of play

The Denise Richards Drop Dead Gorgeous Line Reading Award

• “She’s skinny, Amber, not deaf!” - Denise Richards
• “Lights, camera and me without a stitch of makeup on!” - Denise Richards
• “Can’t take my EYES off of YOU.” - Denise Richards
• “You had me at hello” - Renée Zellweger

Diva Down Award (Person Who Fell Hard Award)

• Jason Derulo
• Grape Stomp Woman
• Tanya McQuoid - The White Lotus
• Nazi Mama from Indiana Jones

Best Religion

• Mormon 2.0
• “The school of life”
• Long-form improv comedy
• Whatever gives people meaning

Best Religious Practice

• Kneeling
• Anything with water
• Prayer
• Zip-zap-zop
• Breath

Most Amazing Impact in Film

• PAs
• B-Camera Grip
• Margot Robbie
• Diane Warren
• M3GAN

They Should be an Actor Award for Not Actor But Should

• Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez
• Sunny Hostin
• Dr. Nicole Martin - The Real Housewives of Miami
• All children not already acting
• Malala

Allison Williams Cool Girl Award

• Ariana Madix
• Ariana Grande
• Daisy Duck
• Elizabeth Olsen
• Zendaya

Hunger Games Award for Best Huge Franchise

• The Fast and the Furious
• Avatar
• Mario
• Oreo Cookies
• McDonalds

Best Holiday - Fixed Date

• Christmas Eve
• Christmas Day
• 4/20
• Leap Year Baby Birthday
• September 4th… B’Day

Best Holiday - Changing Date

• Memorial Day
• Thanksgiving
• Passover
• Pizza night
• Personal day

Santa Award for Being Unforgettable

• Sasha Velour
• Sasha Colby
• Sasha Obama
• Malia Obama
• “Breathe” by Faith Hill

Mother Award

• Kelly Clarkson
• Cirie Fields
• Moms all across the world
• Ava Max
• Keke Palmer
• Padma Lakshmi - Top Chef
• Jennifer Lopez - The Mother
• Jennifer Lawrence - mother!
• Idina Menzel
• Regina Hall

Slouching Towards Bethlehem Award for Chicest Book to Hold

• The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian by C. S. Lewis
• Stories I Only Tell My Friends: An Autobiography by Rob Lowe
• Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find, and Keep Love by Doctors
• Open Book by Jessica Simpson
• Game of Thrones

M3GAN Award for Servin K-U-N-T

• Backup dancers - Rihanna Super Bowl
• EMTs
• BLACKPINK
• Lara Croft: Tomb Raider
• The WGA

Biggest Cultural Threat to Us

• Cynthia Erivo and Ariana Grande - Wicked
• StraightioLab Podcast
• The fickle nature of NYC weather in June
• Governors across America
• Overselves, tbh

Best Gay Guy - Normal

• A teacher (TIE)
• A nurse (TIE)
• A fireman (!!!)
• “Just moved to the city.”

Best Gay Guy - Famous

• Andy Cohen
• Anderson Cooper
• Abraham Lincoln
• Bowen Yang

Best Gay Guy - Somewhere in Between

• Jimmy Fowlie
• Pat Regan
• Governor Jared Polis
• Matt Rogers

Diplo Award for LGBTQ

• Hayley Kiyoko
• Papi Juice
• Jessie Ware
• Josh Sharp & Aaron Jackson
• RuPaul’s Drag Race: All Stars

Baby We’re Looking Forward to Seeing Older

• Lil Nas X
• Apple and Moses Martin
• Your niece

Shiv Roy Award for Best Fake Accent

• Melanie Lynskey, all
• Toni Collette - The Sixth Sense
• James McAvoy every now and then
• Toni Collette - Hereditary

Bridget Jones Award for Best Fake British Accent

• Gillian Anderson - The Crown
• Emma Stone - The Favourite
• Gillian Anderson - Sex Education
• Alan Tudyk, all
• Everyone doing their slay Love Island impressions a.k.a. when you all say “propa chat”

Scariest Moment in History

• Hereditary lil’ diva head come off
• The Big Bang
• Jumpscare when you see mama you knew in COLLEGE on the street what?!
• Cuban Missile Crisis
• Saying “I love you” to the one and you know you can never go back… This will change things…

Education Award for Best School Subject

• Yearbook
• AP US History
• Pre-Calc depending on teacher
• Drop Everything and Read
• Certainly not phys ed, speaking as queer people!

Titanic Award for Monoculture

• Scandoval
• When THAT CHEETO was arraigned!
• Barbie
• Titanic
• Don’t Worry Darling press tour

Best Way to Travel

• Caravan
• Sprinter van
• Not in a huge rush
• Pride float
• Often!!!!!!!!!

Best Type of House

• High ranch
• Mansion
• Apartment with deck
• Lake
• Anything by CeCe Peniston

“Amber” Award for Best 90s Name

• Chelsea
• Courtney
• Mary-Kate
• Ashley

Most Fascinating Language

• Na’vi
• Romance
• American
• Acts of service
• “Body language! HA!” - Ursula, The Little Mermaid

Rosalía Award for Best Outdoor Live Performance

• Diana Ross, rain
• Shakespeare in the Park
• These crust punks pretending they don’t have daddy money!
• Whitney Houston - “Star Spangled Banner,” Super Bowl
• Rosalía - Coachella

Kimberly Akimbo Award for Best Indoor Performance

• Titanique
• Parade
• Beyoncé - “Ring the Alarm,” 2006 Video Music Awards
• Kate Berlant - Kate
• Lady Gaga on any awards show doing “Jo Calderone”

People Magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive

• Ricky Martin
• George Clooney
• Matt Damon
• Idris Elba
• Dad from Inside Out

Ariana Madix Award for Girl, You Can Do Betta Hon

• Shereé Whitfield - The Real Housewives of Atlanta
• Florence Pugh - Don’t Worry Darling
• Ariana Madix - Vanderpump Rules

Best Airline

• It doesn’t matter as long as we’re at LAGUARDIA!
• Alaska

Best Thing to Drink on a Flight

• Honey, if I took off from LAGUARDIA, doesn’t matter! I’m already happy!
• Ginger ale

MUNA Award for Hottest Queer

• Katie - MUNA
• Naomi - MUNA
• Jo - MUNA
• Fans of MUNA
• Matt Bomer

Angelina Jolie Humanitarian Prize

• Doja Cat
• The Homeless Not Toothless organization
• Whoever designed the new LaGuardia

Most Dominant Predator

• Cheetah
• Tiger
• Lion
• Shark

Most Vulnerable Prey

• Shrimp
• Kelp
• Fish
• Pisces humans

Margo Martindale Character Actress of the Year

• Dale Dickey
• Elizabeth Marvel
• Robin Weigert
• Norma Dumezweni
• Hong Chau

Most Likely to Succeed

• Stephanie Hsu
• Janelle Monae
• Doja Cat

Water Award for Necessary Thing

• Sunscreen
• “Just something to hold me over.”
• Sunlight
• A VPN
• Doja Cat

The Greatest Showman

• Hugh Jackman
• Vanessa Hudgens
• Doja Cat
• Chrishell Stause - Real estate
• Jinkx Monsoon

Largest Number

• 99
• A zillion
• “Anything!!!!” said like a mother in distress
• “You Can’t Stop the Beat” - Hairspray finale

Public Feud We Want to Start Right Now, Tonight

• The StraightioLab Podcast
• Will Ferrell
• Pepsi-Cola
• Jordin Sparks
• The Kremlin

Starbucks Award for Chillest Coffee Order

• Grande Iced Black
• Ummmmm just an iced green tea
• Americano with almond. Oh okay then with oat
• I’ll actually do the blueberry kombucha
• I’ll have a large iced caramel macchiato

Ice Award for Best Frozen

• Piña Colada
• Frozen 2 - “Into the Unknown” scene
• Circular ice balls for a whiskey drink
• Jack Nicholson - The Shining
• Coke Slurpee

Shot We Are Shooting in This Moment

• Kelly Clarkson come on Las Culturistas
• Pedro Pascal check your DMs
• Matt and Bowen in Book of Mormon the movie
• If anyone is on the Faerie server in Final Fantasy XIV, Bowen would love to do dungeon runs with you!
• Any cute nice guy, friends or more

Best Length for Movie

• 86 minutes
• 119 minutes
• While the bolognese is cooking

Best Length for TV Episode

• 58 minutes
• 24 minutes
• Quibi

Meal We Should Have Gotten But Didn’t

• Chicken française
• The burger
• Buffalo blasts - The Cheesecake Factory
• A Michelle Pfieffer Catwoman spinoff movie
• Big spicy crab soup

Normani Award for What’s the Holdup?

• Fourth Austin Powers movie
• The Renaissance visuals like honestly
• New RHONY
• When you ordered your big spicy crab soup 40 minutes ago

Moulin Rouge Award for Most Exciting Spectacle

• Fireworks
• Moulin Rouge on Broadway
• Adele in Las Vegas
• Guardians of the Galaxy: Cosmic Rewind at Epcot
• Sasha Colby vs. Anetra - Any lipsync

Best Word to Whisper

• “hey”
• “seriously?”
• “liposuction”
• “farted”

Best Word to Scream

• “GO!!!!!”
• “DIVA!!!!!”
• “NEVER!!!!”
• “OH!!!!!!”

Peacock Presents: The Award for Best Streaming Service

• Due to the ongoing WGA strike, we do not feel this category is appropriate at this time. We proudly stand with our Guild and will give this Peacock at a later date.

Betty Gilpin Award for Big Slay Again?!

• Big Thunder Mountain
• Betty Gilpin - Mrs. Davis
• The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom
• Michele Yeoh, all
• Anetra - lyp syncing

Eras Award for Best Era

• Speak Now
• Mesozoic
• Chunky Gold Necklace
• Bleach blonde
• reputation

iHeartRadio Best Podcast of the Year

• Las Culturistas
• StraightioLab
• The Daily

Social Change Moment of the Year

• Oprah - “Were you silent, or were you silenced?”
• 2022 Las Culturistas Culture Awards
• Homeless Not Toothless Charity

Most Uncommon Accident

• Trips on a snake, hits head on boulder
• Hilary Swank - Million Dollar Baby
• Weed in the carry on, oh no, how did that get there
• Any of the shit you might see on Looney Tunes, which is fake
• When you text me shit about me you meant to send to her, you jerk

Kindest Greeting

• “Hi, my love.”
• “Ciao.”
• “Bonjour, boo.”
• “Diva!!!!!!!!”
• “We have been waiting for you…”

Most Attractive Body Part

• Butt
• Face
• Eyes
• Foot
• Nape

Most Shocking Moment of the Year

• LaGuardia is a slay????
• Adriana DeMoura losing her foot - Real Housewives of Miami
• Logan Roy dying and the ensuing aftermath

Best Fish

• Minnow
• Koi
• Gold

Best Planet

• Naboo
• Pandora
• Planet Her by Doja Cat

Best News We Heard

• The Lyft XL is here to take all of your friends to the big party
• Annaleigh Ashford nailed the comedy
• Meghann Fahy is on her way to the studio to record Las Culturistas
• Bowen Yang cast as “Pfannee” in Wicked (both)
• There’s a big sale at our favorite store

Most Iconic Building or Structure

• Space Mountain
• LaGuardia Airport now
• Stonehenge
• Vanderpump at Caesars Palace
• Vanderpump à Paris

Album of the Year

• Renaissance - Beyoncé
• Midnights -Taylor Swift
• Prism - Katy Perry
• Into The Woods 2022 Original Broadway Revival Cast Album
• Chappell Roan’s when it comes out

Record of the Year

• “Padam Padam” - Kylie Minogue
• “All I Want for Christmas Is You” - Mariah Carey
• “8th World Wonder” - Kimberely Locke
• “If You Asked Me To” - Céline Dion
• “Breathe” by Faith Hill

Outstanding Reality Competition Host

• RuPaul - RuPaul’s Drag Race
• Alex Wagner - The Mole
• Padma Lakshmi - Top Chef: World All Stars
• Michelle Buteau - The Circle
• Alan Cumming - The Traitors

Most Memorable Line in a Movie or Film

• “I’m Peach.” - Anya Taylor-Joy, Super Mario Bros. Movie
• “Are you ready?” - Anya Taylor-Joy, Super Mario Bros. Movie
• “I will protect us!” - Anya Taylor-Joy, Super Mario Bros. Movie
• “I will lead us!” - Anya Taylor-Joy, Super Mario Bros. Movie
• “How is your baby?” - Kate Winslet underwater, Avatar: The Way of Water

Christina Aguilera Award for “It’s Just Good”

• Oreo cookies
• Succession
• Pancakes
• Aquariums
• Sara Bareilles

Best Dressed

• Anne Hathaway
• Jessica Chastain
• Zendaya
• Flo Pugh
• Mickey Rourke

Most Memorable Line in a TV Show

• “Tutti gay!” - Old man on yacht, The White Lotus
• “I, like, wipe my butt with that!” Alexia Nepola, Real Housewives of Miami
• “She’s brought a ludicrously capacious handbag,” -Matthew Macfayden
• “Cook MY meat!” -Ego Nwodim, Saturday Night Live
• Ugh, fine: “Please! These gays, they’re trying to murder me!” -Jennifer Coolidge, The White Lotus
• “DEATH! To all of them!” - Wendy Williams

Cate Blanchett Award for Good Acting

• Sarah Snook - Succession
• Meghann Fahy - The White Lotus
• Cate Blanchett - Tár
• James Marsden - Jury Duty
• Edy Modica - Jury Duty
• Rashida “Sheedz” Olayiwola - Jury Duty
• Stephanie Hsu - Everything Everywhere All At Once

Tina Turner Legend Award

• Scheana Shay
• Kenya Moore
• LaGuardia Airport
• Judge Judy
• Kate Hudson

Best Movie We Did Not See

• Mary Queen of Scots
• Hillbilly Elegy
• Guardians of the Galaxy: Vol 2
• Guardians of the Galaxy: Vol 2
• Babylon

Best Dinner

• Beef Lasagna
• Pizza Night
• Breakfast

Best Lunch

• Tuna melt
• Tuna salad
• Spicy tuna roll

Best Breakfast

• Croissant
• Smoothie
• Starbucks egg bites

Best Snack

• Pretzel sticks
• Oreo cookies
• How about some humble pie?

Best Beverage

• Dr. Pepper
• Ginger ale
• Liquid courage
• Tap
• Sparkling

Joy Behar Award for Stand Up Comedy

• Naomi Ekperigin (TIE)
• Natalie Rotter-Laitman (TIE)
• Charlie Bardey (TIE)
• Jo Firestone (TIE)
• Joel Kim Booster (TIE)
• Pat Regan (TIE)
• Roseanne Barr

Best Song on Hamilton Soundtrack

• “Satisfied”
• “The Schuyler Sisters”
• “Helpless”
• “Cabinet Battle #1”
• “Burn”
• “The Room Where It Happens”
• “Dear Theodosia”
• “Cabinet Battle #2”
• “It’s Quiet Uptown” (Kelly Clarkson cover)
• “It’s Quiet Uptown” (Renee Elise Goldsberry original song)
• “Say no to this”

WandaVision Award for Television

• The Real Housewives of Miami
• Lucia and Mia - The White Lotus
• Carolyn Wiger - Survivor, season 44
• Edy Modica - Have You Heard of Christmas?
• Bowen Yang - Dropping fork in Lisa from Temecula

Chris Award for Most Timeless Name

• John
• Jess
• George
• Mark
• Doja

Artist of the Millennium

• Vin Diesel
• Shakira
• Sarah McLachlan
• Jeff Probst
• Cher

Victoria Beckham Award for Outstanding Achievement

• Oreo Cookies, Food and Beverage
• Jojo, singing
• Sarah Snook, Acting
• Pam Anderson, general excellence
• Roger Deakins, cinematography

Tom and Rita Couple Award

• The Obamas
• The Carters
• Zoe Kazan and Paul Dano
• The couples of Modern Family

Las Culturistas Brought Culture Once More to Lincoln Center