Austen and Craig’s faces are so bloated for their thin bodies.  I can only imagine how hard they drink every single night.  

Kathryn is still wearing the tight synthetic leathery pants that look so uncomfortable.  Thomas is still waring white pants.  I never thought we’d see Thomas on this show again, and I was happy to see him, because last season was so boring without him...even though he’s the biggest creep to ever have creeped.  They are so sleeping together.  

UO, but I’m glad to see more of Madison.  I find her totally interesting, like a femme fatale, sort of like picking up where Kathryn dropped the ball.  Kathryn has always had a flat affect, but she was practically comatose last season, and I’m over Kathryn unless or until she re-joins the human race.  I think it’s a good sign that she’s back to drinking after pretending to have been sober.  

I kind of like that Madison is sort of a mean girl who is out for herself.  She’s not all “girl power” like Chelsea, Naomie and Cameran, none of whom I missed in the slightest.  I just wish Danni would go away too.  She’s a weakling.  And I can’t stand looking at her, never could.  

I wish Patricia was off the show.  She is like Lisa VanderPump in that I feel people are always reporting to her and groveling for her approval and I don’t get why...because she’s rich, or more accurately, she married rich?  Who cares?  It’s so weird that Whitney is no longer a main character and his mom is.  When they film with her, I feel like I went to go hang out with my friend and his or her mom showed up to hang out instead.  Wouldn’t be appropriate there, and it’s not appropriate here IMO.  It was nice to see Whitney in a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it scene, but I’m not sure what the point was.  

I would only want to see Cameran back if her husband was, in fact, having an affair.  Then Camreran would be forced to drop her guard for the first time ever on this show, but Cameran only knows how to deal with other people’s bullshit and put them down to their faces.  She has no idea how to deal with her own bullshit, so it’s no surprise she didn’t show up.  

Some of the best men in the world cheat, so Cameran’s friend can miss me with all of the heavy denial.  The friend—I forgot her name, but I remember her being on the show before and upset about her pregnancy weight—seems so angry and thirsty for drama.  JFK and MLK died in the 60s and people liked them so much that they still have pictures of them hanging in their houses today, and they were both wife cheaters, so even if Jason was some sort of saint, it wouldn’t mean he is not a cheater, contrary to Cameran’s mouthpiece’s friend’s logic.

 I can’t believe how weak it looks that Cameran is trying to do damage control on the show without being willing to face a camera or a microphone.  If her marriage is so great, why does she give a shit what people are saying about it?  

How the hell old is Taylor, Shep’s girlfriend?  Who lies about their profession over the age of 20 either?  I don’t believe the scene of them washing the dog—I don’t know it for a fact, I just know it’s true—but Shep sends his dog out to be groomed.  

Madison is like the girl with two faces from Seinfeld—in some lights she looks absolutely gorgeous and in some she looks just like a generically attractive person.  It’s not just her face, it’s her body that also looks completely different in different scenes.  

I didn’t really understand the concept of a Dumb & Dumber party, but I was glad to see the season start off with a bone fide party with them all filming together.  I was kind of laughing at the drama between that girl and the guy that Madison slept with.  What was this girl’s point in getting upset anyway?  That her guy, or her boyfriend, had sex with Madison when he was single?  Note to jealous girlfriend—no one can make you feel inferior without your consent, and she was just giving Madison all the power and exactly what she wanted by literally making a scene about it.  

I thought this was a fairly decent season opener.  It feels a lot lighter and back to its original roots and it feels like a lot of dead weight was lifted from last season.  I don’t read spoilers and have no idea anything that happens out of the four corners of this show (nor do I want to), but apparently this John Pringle guy is going to become some kind of huge deal.  There should be a drinking game for every time it’s mentioned that he has two kids and/or he’s in from San Diego.  Why, at this point in the season, would the viewer be compelled by such benign information?  The way they were conveying it made it sound like cover material for Holy Shit Magazine.  

Annnnd Kathryn completely regained my goodwill by refusing to toe the party line about Cameran <cough, Craig, cough> and calling her an asshole on national television.  It’s about time someone revealed that the emperor had no clothes.