Even for middle-class married couples, the current economy is becoming impossibly difficult to navigate. So, what does that mean for single parents? 

One single mother, known as @my_secrets_untold on TikTok, shared exactly what the struggle looks like for her. 

“I messed up early on in my relationship. I let my husband make all the decisions and basically had no voice.” After making the empowered decision to leave her abusive husband, she embarked on a new individual journey — one that turned sour without the financial security of marriage and the consequences of a system designed to let single mothers fall through the cracks.  

This single mom admitted she has no money saved for retirement and is currently living ‘paycheck to paycheck’ to provide for her kids. 

“I am 41 years old and I have absolutely no savings for retirement,” she said. “I’ve spent the last 12 years being a broke single mom and at times living off of food stamps.” 

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Without the security of her husband’s income from the military, this mom had to find a way to make money to pay child support, find a new home, and start her life over as a single mother. Not only was she still navigating a difficult co-parenting situation, but she was finding it shockingly difficult to survive — to buy food, pay rent, and make ends meet. 

It’s impossible to ignore the terrifying reality this mother was facing. Even after getting a college degree and following the “traditional path of life” advertised to her as a young woman, she was barely getting by.

Before her divorce this woman said she was a ‘tradwife’ — ‘It’s great, if you pick the right partner.’ 

“I was 19 years old when I got pregnant… when our daughter was a week old, we just eloped at the courthouse,” she explained. “My job was to be a wife and a mom. I wasn’t supposed to have any time or any thoughts about doing anything other than [that].” 

It’s a reality that many single mothers are forced to unlearn as they age — they’re more than just mothers and wives, they’re also individuals. In an abusive or controlling marriage, it can be difficult to separate those identities.

Oftentimes, abusive partners strip their partner’s identity from them as a means of entrapment — to evoke fear to keep them in the home. So, while some find stay-at-home mothering to be incredibly convenient in their partnerships, others fall victim to a toxic dynamic. 

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“I don’t regret my choice to have my children,” she continued, “however, I do regret my decision in who I picked to be their dad and my ex-husband. I had very low self-worth and self-esteem… I thought I was only good at being a wife and mom.” 

Following her decision to separate from her ex-husband, her lack of confidence and identity made it that much harder to set up a life for herself — to find a job, settle into a new home, and meet new, healthy people. 

But let’s get one thing straight, it wasn’t just her partner’s manipulation and abuse that kept this single mom from achieving financial stability. The entire system is unabashedly unfair and inequitable. 

With student loans and credit card debt, she’s finding it impossible to save money each month. 

Many single moms who were previously homemakers lack the job experience to pursue high-paying jobs, especially ones that provide the flexibility parents need to care for their children. Her college degree has been practically useless along with the gap in her resume — making it impossible to find a suitable job. 

Despite finding a job eventually, it’s only allowed her to make minimum payments on her debt, pay child support, and afford the bare essentials. Money for retirement or savings is non-existent.

Photo: SDI Productions / CanvaPro

Some months, this single mother uses food stamps for groceries, because her monthly income doesn’t always cover her necessary expenses. However, the process, application, and unfair regulations on food assistance programs make the help sparse. 

Many former tradwives struggle with financial stability following divorce. 

Like many other single moms, who were previously tradwives or stay-at-home mothers, this woman is finding it impossible to find financial stability and security. Especially when it comes to savings and a 401(k) retirement plan, divorce agreements can be tricky in ensuring both partners see an equitable split in assets. 

While some have the money, time, and freedom to pursue legal action for more equitable divorces, many ex-tradwives are forced to give up their partner’s 401(k).

It’s one of many reasons why stay-at-home parents are encouraged to set themselves up for future success independent of their partner. Of course, if you trust and love your partner, they’ll understand your ambitions and goals to be successful. Whether it's adopting a hobby outside of the home or building credit on a personal card, make sure that in the event of a separation, you'll be secure. 

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Zayda Slabbekoorn is a news and entertainment writer at YourTango focusing on pop culture analysis and human interest stories.