Newsflash: Nobody gives anybody an orgasm. Contrary to the popular belief that you, as a lover, are supposed to give your sex partner an orgasm, you're not. You can't. Every person—man or woman——is in charge of realizing climax. Sure, you can support the process, but you’re not in the driver’s seat.

That said, how does one help a woman to reach orgasm? With her pleasuring often of great concern, many men make this their mission. While the onus ultimately falls on her, there are ways that her lover can provide some critical assistance.

Take your ego out of everything.
Don’t think that you have to be the leader when it comes to lovemaking, "delivering" a woman with pure bliss and the ability to hit heaven every time you intertwine. Releasing yourself from such thinking will turn your sex sessions into moments of sharing versus acts of serving each other. This takes a lot of pressure off of your shoulders, making for a more relaxed romp. Instead of sex feeling like work or an all out chore, it will start feeling like play.

Encourage her to take a more active role during sex.
You can blame the Victorian era for a number of current beliefs lovers still have about sex. It perpetuated this belief that men, as the dominant gender, are to guide women, who were largely seen as frigid, through sexual situations. If either of you have bought into this myth, then you need to learn to let go of old beliefs about female orgasm.

In taking on that responsibility, embolden her to step out of the subdued lover role she’s been socialized to take. Encourage her to move more, to get on top, to make more noise, to play with herself during thrusting, to use a vibrator… basically, to break out of her shell and own her sexual self!

Respond to her desire for more sexual attention.
Whether it's outright flirting or something much more subtle, take advantage of moments when she's letting it be known that she's in the mood. Even if they aren't the most convenient, carpe diem in taking advantage of how amazing the moment can be given she’s in the right headspace, letting herself embrace sexy feelings. Nothing can shut down one’s sexual response cycle and interest faster than being rejected. Stoking her libido will only have bigger rewards for you in the long run.

Create a safe, relaxed environment for arousal.
Whether it's your own bedroom or you've whisked her away on holiday, let your imagination run wild in creating the context that could be ideal for getting carnal. Play up any elements to fantasy scenarios she daydreams about, perhaps adding to a space with candlelight and mood music. Guarantee that there will be no interruptions and that there's ample privacy.

Finally, make sure that the energy you're giving off reflects the sensualism of your efforts. Some women need or prefer emotional elements like love, acceptance, patience, playfulness and humor in getting sexually active. The more you can do or say to cultivate such a synergy, the more she'll be able to let go and enjoy. Keep Reading...

More Juicy Content From YourTango:

This article was originally published at Sinclair Institute . Reprinted with permission from the author.