Married life isn't for the faint of heart. You have to find that true friend you want to be with forever.

Any wife or husband knows that being (and staying) happily married requires a whole lot of love and an unflappable sense of humor — as evidenced by this list of the best marriage quotes of all time.

In fact, most of the best marriage advice out there includes reminders to take time to have fun and laugh together.

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That's why our favorite love quotes for married people who love being married run the gamut from sweet and heartfelt to cute and hilarious. Hopefully, they'll ring true for you about your own relationship with your husband or wife.

Here are 129 of the best sweet, romantic and silly marriage quotes that perfectly summarize what married life is all about.

Funny Marriage Quotes

1. "Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener."

2. "I'm a very committed wife. And I should be committed, too — for being married so many times." — Elizabeth Taylor

3. "That moment when you have to leave the clothes you just bought in the trunk of the car because your husband is home."

4. "Touch this thermostat again and you will wake up without a hand. That's all."

5. "I've birthed an entire baby in less time than it takes my husband to poop."

6. "If I get married, I want to be very married." — Audrey Hepburn

7.  "When you're in the shower and your wife walks in, so you gotta remind her of the goods."

8. "Marriage IS a fairy tale... just in reverse. You start out at a ball in a beautiful gown and end up spending all day cleaning up after little people."

9. "Marriage, it's like a walk in the park. Jurassic Park."

10. "And do you solemnly swear to protect me from spiders as long as we both shall live?"

11. "It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass." — Rodney Dangerfield

12. "If at first you don't succeed ... try doing it the way your wife told you."

13. "If your significant other is mad at you put a cape on them and say 'Now you're super mad!' If they laugh marry them."

14. “When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.” — Prince Philip

15.  "I vow to still grab your butt even when you're old and wrinkly"

16. "When you had a fight with your wife last night, she still makes you a lunch the next day..."

17. "My grandmother's advice: find someone you want to annoy the rest of your life."

18. "I love you. You annoy me more than I ever thought possible. But I want to spend every irritating minute with you."

19. "I love you even more than I am annoyed by you. Which is a lot."

20. "Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open."— George Bernard Shaw

21. "90% of being married is just shouting 'what' from other rooms."

22. "You call it 'nagging.' I call it 'listen to what I said the first time.'"

23. "Dating texts: 'Baby, I don't feel good.' Married texts: 'I've had diarrhea seven times today."

24. "Being married is like having a best friend who doesn't remember anything you say."

25. "You are the butter to my bread, and the breath to my life." — Julia Child

26. "Marriage is like a good cardio workout. If it's never challenging, you're probably not doing it right."

27. "Had date night tonight. Went to Lowe's and bought a toilet"

28. "Sometimes I wonder how you put up with me. Then I remember, oh, I put up with you. So we're even."

29. "Rules for a Happy Marriage: 1. Only yell at each other if the house is on fire. 2. Never got to bed mad, stay up and fight. 3. Sex, lots of sex."

30. "If at first you don't succeed, then maybe you should do it the way I told you to in the beginning."

31. "In my house, I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision-maker." — Woody Allen

33. "Being married is like having a best friend who doesn't remember anything you say."

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Romantic Quotes about Marriage

34. "A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person." — Mingon McLaughlin

35. "The older theory was, marry an older man because they're more mature. But the new theory is men don't mature. Marry a younger one." — Rita Rudner

36. "The most successful marriages, gay or straight, even if they begin in romantic love, often become friendships. It's the ones that become the friendships that last." — Andrew Sullivan

37. "To keep your marriage brimming, With love in the loving cup, Whenever you're wrong, admit it; Whenever you're right, shut up." — Ogden Nash

38. “Love at first sight is easy to understand; it’s when two people have been looking at each other for a lifetime that it becomes a miracle.” — Sam Levenson

39. "Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience." — Oscar Wilde

40. "An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her." — Dame Agatha Christie

41. “Grow old with me! The best is yet to be.” — Robert Browning

42. "An ideal wife is any woman who has an ideal husband." — Booth Tarkington

43. "I support gay marriage. I believe gay people have a right to be as miserable as the rest of us." — Kinky Friedman

44. "Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery." — Erma Bombeck

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Husband and Wife Quotes

45. "My parents only had one argument in 45 years. It lasted 43 years." — Cathy Ladman​

46. "To get the full value of joy you must have someone to divide it with." — Mark Twain

47. "Many marriages would be better if the husband and the wife clearly understood that they are on the same side." — Zig Ziglar

48. "There is nothing nobler or more admirable than when two people who see eye-to-eye keep house as man and wife, confounding their enemies and delighting their friends." — Homer

49. "Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you said; after marriage, he'll fall asleep before you finish saying it." — Helen Rowland

50. "Don't ever stop dating your wife. Don't stop flirting with your husband."

51. "When we got married I told my wife 'If you leave me, I'm going with you.' And she never did." — James Fineous McBride

52. Happy is the man who finds a true friend, and far happier is he who finds that true friend in his wife. — Franz Schubert

53. “When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.” — When Harry Met Sally

54. "At every party there are two kinds of people ... those who want to go home and those who don't. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other." — Ann Landers

55. "It is sometimes essential for a husband and a wife to quarrel — they get to know each other better." — Goethe

56. "What I love most about my home is who I share it with." — Tad Carpenter

57. "What greater thing is there for two human souls, than to feel that they are joined for life — to strengthen each other in all labor, to rest on each other in all sorrow, to  minister to each other in all pain, to be one with each other in silent unspeakable memories at the moment of the last parting?" — George Eliot

58. "If you have to criticize, do it with love."

59. "A great marriage is not when the ‘perfect couple’ comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences." — Dave Meurer

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Quotes about Love and Marriage

60. "A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short." — Andre Maurois

61. "Happy marriages begin when we marry the ones we love, and they blossom when we love the ones we marry." — Tom Mullins

62. “The great marriages are partnerships. It can’t be a great marriage without being a partnership.” — Dame Helen Mirren

63. "Sex solves most problems including headaches."

64. “A good marriage is the union of two good forgivers.” — Ruth Bell Graham

65. "Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads, which sew people together through the years." — Simone Signoret

66. "Love + trust + sex = an unbreakable relationship."

67. "Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now ..." — Fred Rogers

68. "Love is not weakness. It is strong. Only the sacrament of marriage can contain it." — Boris Pasternak

69. "The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret." — Henny Youngman

70. “There is no more lovely, friendly, and charming relationship, communion or company than a good marriage.” — Martin Luther

71. “People are weird. When we find someone with weirdness that is compatible with ours, we team up and call it love.” — Dr. Seuss

72. "The greatest marriages are built on teamwork." — Fawn Weaver

73. “The real act of marriage takes place in the heart, not in the ballroom or church or synagogue. It’s a choice you make–not just on your wedding day, but over and over again–and that choice is reflected in the way you treat your husband or wife.” — Barbara de Angelis

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Inspirational Quotes About Marriage

74. “Let there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: Let it be rather a moving sea between the shores of your souls.” — Kahlil Gibran, "The Prophet"

75. "If you have time to whine about it, you have time to do something about it."

76. “Love is like a friendship caught on fire. In the beginning a flame, very pretty, often hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. As love grows older, our hearts mature and our love becomes as coals, deep-burning and unquenchable.” — Bruce Lee

77. "When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change." — Wayne Dyer

78. "The grass is greener where you water it." — Neil Barringham

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Marriage Advice Quotes

79. "No relationship is all sunshine, but two can share one umbrella and survive the storm together."

80. "Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half-shut afterwards." — Benjamin Franklin

81. "Never stay angry."

82. "A great relationship is about two things. First, appreciating the similarities, and second, respecting the differences."

83. “After seven years of marriage, I am sure of two things: First, never wallpaper together and second, you'll need two bathrooms ... both for her. The rest is a mystery, but a mystery I love to be involved in.” — Dennis Miller

84. "Marriage: a book of which the first chapter is written in poetry and the remaining chapters written in prose." — Beverley Nichols

85. "A good marriage is one which allows for change and growth in the individuals and in the way they express their love." — Pearl S. Buck

86. "Out of difficulties grow miracles." — Jean de La BruyÃre

87. “Marriage, ultimately, is the practice of becoming passionate friends.” — Harville Hendrix

88. "Always strive to give your spouse the very best of yourself; not what’s left over after you gave your best to everyone else." —​ Dave Willis

89. "Marriage is our last, best chance to grow up." — Joseph Barth

90. "Success in marriage does not come merely through finding the right mate, but through being the right mate." — Barnett Brickner

91. "At least once a day say something positive about the other person."

92. "A good marriage is that in which each appoints the other the guardian of his solitude, and shows him this confidence, the greatest in his power to bestow." — Rainer Maria Rilke

93. “Experts on romance say for a happy marriage there has to be more than a passionate love. For a lasting union, they insist, there must be a genuine liking for each other. Which, in my book, is a good definition for friendship.” — Marilyn Monroe

94. Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them." — Ogden Nash

95. "Marriage is not just spiritual communion; it is also remembering to take out the trash." — Dr. Joyce Brothers

96. "When life puts you in tough situations, don’t say 'Why me? Say, 'Try me.'"

97. "Remember that creating a successful marriage is like farming: You have to start over again every morning." — H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

98. "Make it your goal to create a marriage that feels like the safest place on earth." —​ Greg Smalley

99. "Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That’s relativity." — Albert Einstein

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Marriage Sayings

100. "There are four words better than 'I love you.' They are 'I’m here to stay.'"

101. “In every good marriage, it helps to be a little deaf.” — Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg

102. "All of the best love stories have one thing in common, you have to go against the odds to get there."

103. “The highest happiness on earth is marriage.” — William Lyon Phelps

104. "Happily ever after is not a fairy tale. It's a choice." — Fawn Weaver

105. "One should believe in marriage as in the immortality of the soul." — Honoré de Balzac

106. "Marriage is a risk; I think it’s a great and glorious risk, as long as you embark on the adventure in the same spirit." — Cate Blanchett

107. "A man is already halfway in love with any woman who listens to him." — Brendan Behan

108. "Marriage is like watching the color of leaves in the fall; ever changing and more stunningly beautiful with each passing day." — Fawn Weaver

109. "In marriage do thou be wise: prefer the person before money virtue before beauty, the mind before the body, then thou hast a wife, a friend, a companion, a second self." — William Penn

110. "Neglect the world but not each other."

111.“May this marriage be full of laughter, our every day in paradise.” — Rumi

112. "You don’t fall into love. You commit to it. Love is saying, "'I will be there no matter what.'" —  Tim Keller

113. “Marriage, to women as to men, must be a luxury, not a necessity; an incident of life, not all of it.” — Susan B. Anthony

114. “I would rather share one lifetime with you than face all the ages of this world alone.” — Arwen, The Fellowship of the Ring

115. "More give. Less take."

116. “In all the world, there is no heart for me like yours. In all the world, there is no love for you like mine.” — Maya Angelou

117. "Never assume."

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Happy Married Life Quotes

118. "What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are but how you deal with incompatibility." — Leo Tolstoy

119. "Any good marriage is secret territory, a necessary white space on society’s map. What others don’t know about it is what makes it yours." — Stephen King

120. "A good marriage is one where each partner secretly suspects they got the better deal."

121. "After the chills and fever of love, how nice is the 98.6 degrees of marriage." — Mignon McLaughlin

122. "By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you will be happy. If you get a bad one, you will be a philosopher." — Socrates

123. "I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. First, let her think she's having her own way. And second, let her have it." — Lyndon B. Johnson

124. "We had a happy marriage because we were together all the time. We were friends as well as husband and wife. We just had a good time." — Julia Child

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Quotes About Newlyweds

125. “The bride and groom–May their joys be as bright as the morning, and their sorrows but shadows that fade in the sunlight of love.” — Minna Thomas Antrim, "A Book of Toasts"

126. "Our journey isn’t perfect but it’s ours and I’ll stick with you until the end."

127. "My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my love to marry me." — Sir Winston Churchill

128. "The longest sentence you can form with two words is: I do." — H. L. Mencken

129. “Think not because you are now wed, that all your courtship’s at an end.” — Antonio Hurtado de Mendoza

When you find that one special someone to annoy for the rest of your life, you will find happiness every day you are together. Love is great to find so when you meet your soulmate, never let them go.

So there you have it. It's just science, folks.

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Kristine Soloman is the former Executive Editor of YourTango, the top website for relationships, love and wellness for women.