The Ultimatum: Marry or Move On

Episodes 4-6: “Catching Feelings” / “Are You The One” / “The Changeover” Season 2 Episode 4 Editor’s Rating 4 stars ****

The Ultimatum: Marry or Move On

Episodes 4-6: “Catching Feelings” / “Are You The One” / “The Changeover” Season 2 Episode 4 Editor’s Rating 4 stars ****

I still miss Lisa, but boy, oh, boy, has Roxanne taken up the torch in The Ultimatum season two. Let’s break it down.

Now, I know we’re not supposed to be armchair-diagnosing people’s boyfriends with personality disorders on the internet anymore, but I think Kat would get a lot out of narcissism TikTok. So far, neither Roxanne nor Antonio has been able to open her eyes to the truth, that Alex is a walking r/AITA post — the kind that goes viral on Twitter and is featured on podcasts. At girls’ night, Roxanne actually pulls Kat aside and tries to draw her attention to all of the flashing “danger” signs coming from her would-be husband, but all Kat takes from the conversation is that Roxanne is annoyed Alex isn’t opening car doors for her. No, baby, it’s not about the doors. It’s the fact that Alex straight up lies about silly things like opening car doors when he has, in truth, completely failed to live up to this one very simple request.

Antonio may be cripplingly jealous of Alex, who has that rise-and-grind mind-set Roxanne, Successful Entrepreneur™, claims to want, but he also knows a shitbag when he sees one. At boys’ night, when Alex starts bitching about “keeping Roxanne accountable,” Antonio doesn’t hesitate with a follow-up. What do you mean by that, Alex? Alex says, for instance, he thinks Roxanne is too emotional in her work emails. Antonio, without missing a beat: “You read her work emails?” Get him.

Roxanne and Alex, two adults who I could totally see wearing bracelets that read “hustle” on a diplomatic visit to the Wailing Wall, seem like they should be perfect for each other. But Roxanne doesn’t actually want a Boy Boss with an invoice-tracking spreadsheet where his heart should be. She wants an Antonio, openly financially insecure and loyal to a tee. Antonio has, of course, reported all of his findings about “this shitbag” Alex to Roxanne in a shouty phone call, while Kat bleats in the background, “Don’t call him a shitbag!”

When Roxanne confronts Alex, it becomes totally obvious why he was with Kat. The primary issue Roxanne has in this argument is that Alex told Antonio she doesn’t respect him. In fairness, of all the lies Alex has told, this is the least lielike, but that doesn’t make it not a shitty thing to say. Alex says he was trying to look out for Antonio, but I think he was really just taunting him. Anyway, Roxanne is trying to explain why she’s upset, and is visibly stunned by Alex’s reaction. He’s dismissive. He mocks her. He’s cruel. He literally sends her running crying back to Antonio in the middle of the night. Alex doesn’t want Roxanne, he wants Kat, who appears to have absorbed so much poor treatment from him that she’s convinced herself this is normal. This is not normal, Kat! Get out of there, please!

Still, we don’t know yet exactly what Alex and Kat’s relationship looks like from the inside. And there are clearly some limits to the amount of men’s bullshit she’s willing to absorb. Silently listening to Antonio whine interminably about his own life? Sure thing, boss. She’ll do that shit all day. Not calling Antonio out for throwing a hissy fit and then disappearing without a word? No siree, Bob.

Before this gets any more dark-sided, let’s check in on our other two couples, shall we? I’ll call them Tryann and Rames. I really thought something was brewin’ over at Casa Rames when I saw that whole elaborate seduction moment James set up for Riah. Rose petals and candles at the pool? I mean, come on! However, James has had the fear of God fully sandblasted into him by this whole ultimatum thing, and his intimate overtures to Riah evaporate as quickly as they appeared. Days later, she wants to know why he doesn’t want to hold her hand anymore, and why he shies away from physical affection all of a sudden. “I hugged you like, yesterday!” he protests. “It was a side hug,” she points out. This leads to some confusion over whether or not Riah wants James to fuck her, because James is intentionally missing the point. Riah doesn’t necessarily need sex (though I doubt she’d say no). What she wants are those little intimate touches that spouses naturally expect from each other, but those are exactly the intimate touches that James has reserved for Ryann — who he has suddenly realized is the love of his life. Riah feels a bit cheated by all of this, which is totally fair, but it’s hard to be mad at James for staying loyal.

By contrast, things at the House of Tryann are going almost too well. Just three weeks in, Trey has already caught major feelings for Ryann — something James probably should have considered more seriously when he agreed to this whole thing. After witnessing the throw downs at their respective girls’ and boys’ nights, Trey and Ryann realize that they’re the strongest of the new couples by a mile. The night before they are supposed to return to their original partners, Ryann presents Trey with two gifts. The first is a gag: a pair of inflatable boxing gloves so they can finally get their first “fight” over with, since they’ve never fought. The second, real gift is a photo album for all their pictures together, which they’ve stuck all over the refrigerator and kitchen cabinets.

James, ya done fucked up big time. He thinks the biggest issue with his and Ryann’s relationship is that he hasn’t been able to tell her about a trauma from his past. He should definitely do this at some point (preferably off camera), but Trey has to explain that this isn’t the actual problem in his relationship. The real problem is that Ryann feels like James takes her for granted, which, considering where he’s at right now, is demonstrably true.

I have real doubts that this little experiment would be condoned by any psychologist, psychiatrist, therapist, or sociologist, but it does seem to have had some kind of effect. After their trial marriages, James is prepared to get down on one knee while Riah isn’t sure if she wants to move forward with Trey now that she knows he has feelings for someone else. But as for Kat, I’m a little worried she hasn’t taken a hard enough look at how Alex has appeared to everyone else.

The Ultimatum: Marry or Move On Recap: Run, Kat, Run