It's 2016. Men can admit that we like going down on women; many even love it. Besides intercourse, it's the most intimate kind of sexual activity. When it comes to performing oral sex on women, men have been told and somewhat instructed by women that the act has to be ... a process. Certain vaginal parts have to be kissed this way, certain parts have to be licked that way, and so on. That's been the accepted way to taste women.

Well, not always. Sometimes, you want to blow a woman's mind. You want her head to spin around Linda Blair-style, and you want her to scream in Latin. Sometimes, you want to go down on a woman and destroy the p*ssy.

This article is for the men out there who may not know how to do that. Don't worry, this tutorial is just for you, and also a few women out there. You need to know what you've been missing when it comes to cunnilingus.

So how do you go down on a woman like a maniac?

1. Show a little enthusiasm.

Grab her thighs firmly. Pull her pelvis to your face. Look at her vaginal area, because you're going to attack it. Like Luke Kuechly diving after a running back in the Super Bowl. You aren't going to taste her; you're going to devour her. Every part of her vagina. You're going to drive her up every wall of your house. The minute you start on her, your goal is convulsions. This is no time to be a punk. Be a f*cking bear.

2. Move her into the perfect position.

After you take her underwear off with your teeth, grab those thighs of hers again. If you want her to be pleased, you can go down on her while she's laying on her back. If you want her to stroke out, you're going to have to either elevate her lower body or arch her back. You want to do it so that her clitoral area is directly in your face, and her ass is right on your chin. Hint: If you're positioning her the right way, she'll instinctively help you.

3. Attack her clitoris.

You want to find the "magic button"? Go to the top of her vaginal area. That's where you will find the clitoris. Obviously, no woman's body is the same. Some women have a readily identifiable clitoral area, and some you may have to briefly search for it. If you have to look for the clit, you could do the obvious and start licking.

But if you want to get to eating, you should suck on the clitoral area fast and kind of hard. By doing that, the woman will get so turned on (usually) that, for lack of a better term, the clitoris kind of pops out. At that point, lick and suck exclusively on the clitoris. Attack it. You can worry about the rest of her vagina, the inner and outer lips, and her ass later. Right now you're a member of The Expendables, and your mission is to make your date pass out from multiple, violent orgasms.

Telling you what to do next is silly, because it should all be natural at this point. But at some point you should follow her lead. Once she's reached the point of ecstasy (several times), she'll tell you loudly what she wants you to do next.

If you follow my directions, she'll probably attack you. Thank me later, my friend.