By Kayla Lords

I’m not going to lie. I love forced orgasms. If I had to pick between a forced orgasm, a spanking, or good sex, I’ll take the forced orgasm almost every time. 

So what is it that I, and others like me, enjoy so much?

As with anything kinky, there isn’t one simple answer, but I’ll give you a few:

1. Forced orgasms mean giving up power.

Being made to orgasm is part of a power exchange. Your partner has, at least temporarily, control over your body and whether you are allowed to experience sexual release.

(Note: I didn’t say sexual “pleasure” because you can feel that without an orgasm.)

2. Pain CAN be pleasure.

Holding back an orgasm until you’re given permission is one kind of pain. Having orgasm after orgasm (after orgasm) forced on your body is a delicious type of pain that combines the pleasure of sexual release with the pain of friction on tender body parts.

Sometimes the pain comes from the force of the stimulation — a vibrator on high, a rough hand, etc. Other times, your body becomes so sensitive and sore that even the slightest touch causes additional pain.

3. Orgasms are awesome.

It’s safe to say most sexually active people love an orgasm, but if you’re the type to seek out forced (and often multiple) orgasms, your love for BDSM is on a completely different level. Muscles spasm until they ache. Nerves tingle and sizzle with each touch. Sweat plasters your body, and you gasp for each breath.

If that sounds like heaven to you, you might love forced orgasms.

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Let’s get one thing straight (pardon the pun).

Forced orgasms aren’t simply for male Dominants/tops wringing climax after climax from a female submissive or bottom.

People with penises are capable of having their orgasms forced. Just understand that no matter who you're playing with, the process and the time needed is going to be different for everyone, regardless of gender.

You may have a partner, male or female, who can only achieve one orgasm at a time. You might have one like me who is multi-orgasmic, especially after the first climax.

Take your time, watch your partner and be patient. The pleasure is in the process just as much as it is in the final result.

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Now that you know WHY forced orgasm play is SO sexy, here are 4 ways to try it out with your partner.

1. Bondage and vibrator play.

Do a quick image search for forced orgasms and vibrators, and it’s likely you’ll come across the iconic image that a lot of kinksters love: a person bound with rope and a big vibrator attached to their genitals. It’s often an Original Magic Wand (aka Hitachi) or some similar brand. The bigger the vibrator (and vibrations), the bigger and more painful the orgasms.

You don’t have to know how to tie knots or be a Shibari expert to have a similar scene. Bondage tape, handcuffs, or silk scarves that bind your partner to a flat surface, like the bed or the kitchen table, will do. Once you’re sure your partner isn’t going anywhere, it’s time to turn on the vibrator. Rope harnesses and tape are options to attach the vibe in place, or you can stand there and hold it against them. My Dominant partner prefers to hold it because then he can press it against my body as hard as he likes whenever he likes.

Yes, penises can enjoy vibrators as well. A penis that hardens to steel, darkens with need and desire, and then is milked for every drop of semen is a beautiful sight. Contrary to popular belief, some men are capable of multiple orgasms, although they still may need some time between each climax. Regardless, even one forced orgasm can be enough if you edge and stimulate your partner to the breaking point before allowing release.

2. Edging orgasms and verbal commands.

Edging is a type of orgasm play in which the Dominant or top brings their partner to the brink of an orgasm (or requires they masturbate themselves to the bring) and then denies them the orgasm. Sometimes, the submissive or bottom is told how many times to edge themselves, while other times, the Dominant controls the sensation without indicating when they’ll grant the orgasm.

In much of this play, a submissive partner has been told or knows that they must beg for permission to orgasm. A Dominant may deny the orgasm or, if they’re feeling generous, grant it. In other types of play, the game may be to see if the submissive can stop themselves from begging and wait for permission.

Part of the pain and pleasure is in the denial. Once permission is granted, sometimes issued with a “Come for me!” by the Dominant partner, the stimulus — vibrator, hand, and even tongue — continues far past the first orgasm. Once your body is on the edge of an orgasm, the first one you experience is often big and explosive. People who orgasm relatively easily may find that the successive orgasms are just as powerful as the first as their body is overloaded with endorphins and sensations.

3. Forced orgasms through masturbation.

Forced orgasms don't just have to be created by your partner. You can do this yourself!

Begin by rubbing one out. Let it build. If possible, don’t rush the first orgasm. Certainly, don’t stress out if it takes a while to build. If you and your partner are apart, use Skype or the phone to be together. These days, he lays down on the bed next to me, propped up on one arm, and watches. He doesn’t direct my movements or tell me when to come. He knows I’m going to make it painful because that’s what I like.

Once the first orgasm hits, keep moving your fingers or pressing the vibe against your body. Yes, even when it hurts. Especially when it hurts. When I do this, I always feel the next orgasm build up from the bottom of my feet and race up my legs. It’s an electrical jolt to my system. You might be like me and want to close your legs and clamp down on your hand or toy. I’ve found this makes it worse, so if you’re trying to get away from the sensations, it probably won’t help, but you’ll probably force at least one more orgasm that way (which is a plus even if you aren’t so sure about it at the time).

You’re done when the pain outweighs the pleasure. Maybe that’s after the second orgasm. Maybe it’s after the tenth. Throw the toy to the side or move your hand away. Now you can enjoy the afterglow.

Personally, after I wring a few orgasms out of my body, I’m completely relaxed and ready for bed.

4. Safety and consent in power exchange.

Forced orgasms aren’t for everyone. If you’re trying them as part of kinky play or a power exchange with your partner, always talk about it before you play. Make sure you have a safe word or a gesture to let your Dominant or top know if the good pain has turned to bad pain or if something is wrong and you need to stop immediately.

The first time you try it, you may not be able to handle a lot of stimuli. If you enjoy it and keep playing with forced orgasms, you may find you’re able to handle more over time and have more orgasms.

Never feel bad if you aren’t able to achieve more than one orgasm (or an orgasm at all). As long as you (and your partner) felt some mutual pleasure, that’s all that matters.

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Orgasm control is a common kinky practice.

Every relationship will be a little different, but orgasm control can occur in a couple of ways: requiring permission to masturbate and/or climax or having your orgasms forced. Yet forced orgasms aren’t just for two (or more) kinky partners having fun, naked time. Even when you’re going solo and masturbating by yourself, you can force your own orgasms.

Ultimately, no matter how you experience them or how rough you like it, forced orgasms are all about pleasure.

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This article was originally published at Kinkly. Reprinted with permission from the author.