"I need space."

Hearing those words sends the fear up your spine. Is this a breakup? Is she trying to see other people? Or is she just feeling crowded, emotionally and physically? 

It makes sense that you'd feel confused by this statement, it means so many different things to different people, and feels like a rejection. You may feel frozen at the prospect.

The first step is to know why she asked for space and what to do next. The only way to know is to ask and hope you get a clear answer —​ but that's not guaranteed.

Once you ask what she means specifically, the best thing you can do is take time for you to reflect on yourself.

You might be confused because you feel you did everything correctly. You were there for her, showed her affection, spent time with her, and gave her almost everything she wanted. Shouldn't that be enough? 

Unfortunately, according to most relationship advice, that isn't always the right way to look at love. It's not a barter system where you give one thing and your partner gives you something in return. You can't give her everything you think she needs and expect forever love, guaranteed, in return. 

But there are things you can count on.

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Love can provide life lessons for growth as an individual, and if you don’t learn from it, you'll live in worry, fear, and misery.

You can also become complacent, choose not to learn or move forward, and reexperience the same fear and heartache repeatedly.

The first step is knowing you will always find a way to irritate your partner — because nobody is perfect. What matters is how you work through the emotions that surge when you upset each other.

Yet, the most critical thing for you to do if she wants space is to give her that space.

What to do when a woman asks for space

1. Ask her what she means, specifically.

As I mentioned in the introduction of this article, "I need space" can mean anything from "I want to break up" to "I would like to have a few days on my own per week to pursue my hobbies, and then hang out with you during the other times."

You cannot guess, you need to know what she means, so ask her respecfully and kindly and do not assume.

2. Do not text her, do not call her, just let her be, if that's what she needs.

Wait for her to text you, wait for her to call you, and wait for her to initiate contact with you. When a woman says she needs space, sometimes it's because she knows you are doing everything to be with her.

Always wanting to be with her can be a great thing, but it can also be too much. When she gets into a relationship or gets involved with someone, she may be unsure whether they’re a match. Or maybe she's suffering from something that’s going on in her life right now. You don’t know.

She tells you she needs to be alone for a while, and you're immediately worried. But when someone says they need space, the best thing you can do for yourself is to give it to them.

When she sees you are less available, she might contact you after she has had time away to miss you. The time apart can draw a connection and reignite the attraction. She might think, “Are they doing OK without me?”

3. Look at your relationship objectively.

You want to give her space because she could be going through something personal, or if you were too overbearing, she must have time to work through it. If this eventually leads to a relationship, or if you’re in a relationship right now, you must show her you can give her what she needs. In this situation, she needs space.

If she's pushing you away because she’s going through something and doesn't want you around, reanalyze the relationship. There might be a disconnect, or she might not have the same feelings for you. Typically, when a woman is in love, she will be open enough to share things with you or want you by her side when she is going through a challenging period, but there are occasions when this is not the case.

Think about the conversation you’re going to have with her. If she handles troubles alone, talk to her about why and try to understand her. Ask her to show you how you can still be present for her.

This type of communication is vital to every relationship. Be compassionate and understanding when you're having marriage or relationship problems.

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4. Don't dwell on worries.

Make yourself busy during this time. When she needs space, do something you’ve wanted to do with friends or family. Travel somewhere for a quick getaway. Go, have fun! Doing something will keep your mind busy instead of thinking about what she's doing if she wants to break up, or why she needs space.

All these questions are negative self-talk and do you no good.

5. Be honest about your own behavior and circumstances.

Think about your relationship. Did something happen, like a family member passing away, a health issue, or something drastic going on in her life? Then you probably have an idea why she needs space. If you want to be with someone you can see a future with, you both need to understand what caused the need for space.

Analyze the relationship to discover your shortcomings and what led to her need for space. This is the only way to dissect the relationship to see what you might have done wrong and how you can overcome this and support your partner.

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6. Focus on being confident and happy with yourself.

When someone is confident with themselves, it is magnetic to their partner, so attraction and desire intensify. Confidence is inner happiness.

You cannot just pretend to be confident. This is something that takes strength, time, and focus. You can overcome your inner obstacles and grow as a person for you and only you.

Some people think, “How will she know I am more confident? How will she know I've changed?” That’s the key right there! As time goes on, your partner will sense a change within you.

You can show her through your actions, decisions, and energy. You want to be respectful, but you also should show her that you’re confident and happy no matter what — with her in your life and without her in your life!

This is what a person looks for in a partner: Someone emotionally mature who can hold their own at the end of the day.

7. Set positive boundaries

Determine what is healthy and what is not healthy. Consider your relationship. Were you overly affectionate or too available for her? Are you involved in everything to the point where she knows you will always pick her up and do all the work to put her back together when she falls?

If so, she might continue to fall because she knows you'll pick her back up. Being supportive is a good trait, yet how do you know she's not taking advantage of you?

By setting boundaries and telling her you cannot continue supporting unhealthy behaviors, you can help her own her responsibilities and create more balance in your relationship.

A person might take you for granted if she always asks for space when you are available. Think about your availability, level of neediness, and if you're spending an unhealthy amount of time together.

If she states she needs space, and you follow these tips and things don't improve, then she may not want space, after all, but something more permanent.

However, if you follow these tips, you'll form a trusting foundation where she will not need to do this again if she wants to be with you.

Furthermore, if she is negatively seeking attention, this is your time to dig deeper and take some responsibility because you cannot play these games.

You can only take responsibility for yourself. When you implement healthy boundaries, you can build a healthy relationship.

You'll have a deeper understanding and accountability for each other, and it will send a clear message you cannot be used and will not be passive.

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Apollonia Ponti is a dating and relationship expert and certified coach who works with men and women to get exactly what they want from their love lives.

This article was originally published at Apollonia Ponti's website. Reprinted with permission from the author.