By Rebeccah Arthurs

Call me evil or unforgiving, but under no circumstances will I ever take a cheater back.

I understand that forgiveness is the key to growth, and that many relationships can prosper after the revelation of an affair. For me, though, cheating is just one thing I know I could never get past.

Whether we’ve been together for a few weeks or years, if you cheat on me, I don’t respect your actions.

I’d like to think I’m pretty chill, so if we break up and you get with someone new, it’ll upset me, but I’ll get over it. I’ll respect that you were honest and real, but most of all, I’ll respect that you respected me.

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By waiting until our relationship was over, you saved me the mental torture of being lied to and cheated on.

Still not convinced? Then let me explain why going back to a cheater is a no-go.

Cheating is the ultimate level of disrespect.

Cheating on me is you being a spineless, good for nothing, disloyal human being.

For whatever reason, not only have you betrayed me (dramatic I know, but it’s true), you’ve also lied to me, and I don’t have time for liars in my life.

Furthermore, you’ve wasted my time, and therefore I no longer have time for you.

If you don’t want to be with me right now, that’s cool. We can go our separate ways, and do our own thing.

If we find each other in the future, then great. If not, still great.

Give me a say in our relationship.

Don’t just decide you want to move on and experiment whilst holding me captive with the illusion of a faithful relationship.

Just be honest with me.

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The funny thing is, if you cheat, I’ll probably forgive you pretty quickly.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ll be upset for a hot sec, but I understand that people can make mistakes, or do bad things without being bad people.

Forgiveness, however, is not enough to make a relationship work. We can be friends or friendly acquaintances, but I’d never be able to participate in a romantic relationship with you again.

Trust is a big deal to me, and once you’ve lost it, you’ll never get it back.

That doesn’t mean I don’t forgive you. It means that I know my emotions and I know that trusting you again is a pipe dream.

Worse than losing my trust in you is that I’ve lost trust in my own judgment.

Even if we get to a point where we get back together, and I think I “trust” you, I’ll always know that I trusted you before, and that trust was misplaced. What’s to say that I haven’t misplaced my trust in you again?

So, when I say I will never take you back, that doesn’t mean that I’ll never forgive you. It doesn’t mean I’m holding a grudge.

It means that, just like others I love that have lost my trust, I will never give you the power to hurt me again.

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Rebeccah Arthurs is a writer whose work focuses on relationships, heartbreak, and self-care. Visit her author profile on Unwritten for more.

This article was originally published at Unwritten. Reprinted with permission from the author.