Women Only Choose Men Who Understand These 9 Critical Things

Guys, life is not fair. We all know it. Have you noticed how more and more women choose to stay single? They chose it! Although there are so many men available.

Men in turn get frustrated and angry. They turn to violence against others or themselves. They isolate or buy expensive courses from pick-up artists whose only goal is to sell, not to help. So they deliver a convenient lie instead of a workable solution.

Despite everything that’s happening in the world and dating scene today, women still want love. They still want men. But not all men. And truth be told, they don’t even want most men.

They want men who get them. Men who understand their needs and desires.

Because women’s needs have changed from surviving to thriving, from making sure they are financially taken care of to being emotionally taken care of — and men have no idea how to deliver in this new dating world.

Some of them don’t even want to know. But for those who do...

Here are the 9 critical things that women desire in the man of their choice:

1. They don’t make it all about themselves — or all about her

When you’re in a couple, or trying to be in one, there are three entities there that you have to be aware of: you, her, and the couple. You have to give everyone their due.

Some men are overbearing and some lose themselves in the relationship. Women don’t like it, either.

If you’re making it all about your needs she will leave you. Or not even consider you a viable partner. If you make it all about her, the result is the same.

For example, there is this guy at work who is really into me. But more likely he is all into him being in a relationship with me.

Wherever I go, he’s there, hovering. He takes the smallest opportunity to position me somehow into a relationship with him. Just the other day I was talking about how much I liked strawberries and he told me he loves them too and when will I be baking him a strawberry pie?

Umm … obviously never, sir. He thought he was being cute, but everything he says and does is about what he’d like from me.

On the other hand, there is this other guy I’ve known for a while, who likes me and makes it all about me. Where do I want to go, what do I want to do, what movie do I want to watch? It was great for a while, but I have to make all the decisions myself and it’s exhausting. I’ve got decision fatigue by now.

He is non-existent in the relationship, so what’s the point? That’s why, although at first sight, I was very attracted to him, now he’s a friend. And even that way I have to snap him into action from time to time.

2. They don't try to convince her how great they are

That’s how you end up with women who are only after your money.

I see men constantly trying to impress women. That’s counterproductive. If you live a good life, if you’re successful in your field, if you have a good personality, women will be impressed anyway and will naturally come to you.

When you’re trying to impress a specific person you are naturally positioning yourself as inferior to that person. Which most women don’t enjoy.

Plus, trying to impress women with how much you have will attract materialistic women or status chasers. I believe you don’t want either unless you fall into those categories yourself.

Be a good man and you’ll naturally attract a good woman.

3. They don't tell her what to think and believe

It’s disrespectful and it happens a lot! Once they get comfortable in a relationship people stop respecting their partner.

Of course, both women and men do it, but I see men doing it from the start as if they know better than the woman and they hold the key to the way things should be done.

I remember this one date a long time ago. He was a lawyer with the bluest blue eyes I’ve ever seen and he asked me out. I was so attracted to him! I’ve always had a thing for blue eyes and he had the best ones.

As we were talking about life in general, he was probing about raising a family together and I thought it was important to mention that I’ll never want to have children. He looked at me for a brief second and then said: "Nah, that’s just silly, I’m sure you’ll change your mind," and took a bite of his chicken wing.

That was the moment when his beautiful blue eyes were just a bit too cold. From where I was standing, he started to look like a shark, with empty eyes and a toothy grin.

I declined a second date and since that day I referred to him as "the shark." Twenty years later, I still didn’t change my mind about children.

Treating her with respect means allowing her to have her own opinions, even when they might seem silly or you disagree with them from the bottom of your heart. Yes, even if she’s a flat earther. If you don’t respect her point of view, move along.

4. They don't play roles

One counterproductive thing that men do, a lot, is playing different roles that they imagine women go for.

Most will try one of the two extremes: either the infamous "nice guy," who in very many cases is nothing more than an entitled pushover, or the much-debated "alpha male," who is often a fearful jerk, hiding behind a rough façade.

They both fail.

There’s no need to play anybody you’re not. People are more complex than the role they put out.

Even if it works out at first, in the long run, your real personality will shine through and you’ll lose the woman who you probably fell in love with in the meantime. Don’t try to buy her love with fake acts of service or gifts. That will backfire.

Also, women are not as much into alpha males as mainstream media will have you believe. It’s just an act that most women find pitiful.

5. They're into her — not just into the idea of femininity

A whole lot of men are into the idea of a woman much more than they are into the woman herself — which is such a huge turn-off to women. It means we are not just replaceable, but also not special and the relationship is not about us, but about women in general.

Elle Beau has a very good article that touches on the subject, called "When He Wants You to Be a Pillow Princess." Definitely give it a read to understand one more facet of women’s psychology.

She writes, "Female desire is activated when a woman feels overwhelmingly desired, not rationally considered. If a man really wants you (and not just somebody) that can be a very erotic experience."

Bottom line: Women love being cherished and adored as an individual, both physically and mentally, but hate it when the man does it to all women.

You see, women understand that you might be attracted to other women, just as we are attracted to other men. But seeing you drooling over everything that has to do with womanhood as if they’re the only reason you’re alive is just creepy.

I remember this one client who came over for a single session. He didn’t want to solve anything as much as he wanted to tell me this quirky little story, I believe.

His girlfriend left him and he missed her terribly. He used to go into the dirty laundry basket and smell her worn underwear just to feel her close. A few days later, when she came over to take back the rest of her clothes, he remained alone and unconsoled by the smell of her dirty panties. So he broke into his neighbor’s home and was found smelling her dirty panties from the laundry basket.

I bet you if this story got out not a lot of women would want to date him.

6. They're dependable and supportive

Can she count on you or does she have to raise you like a child? Will you be there to support her through thick and thin or are you just there for the hanky-panky and watching movies together?

You might argue that there are plenty of women who are in relationships with a manchild who doesn’t pick up after himself and they’re fine with it. Well, not as many as there used to be. And they’re not fine with it.

It’s actually one of the reasons women choose to stay single — they don’t want to do all the housework anymore and they want an equal partner, not an extra baby to raise.

If you’re not serious about the relationship, women can tell. And they can run away because if the man is not supportive, that means he is baggage.

7. They're a good listener

What you need to get good at is listening. Men have a difficult time doing that and it’s not necessarily their fault, but their history and conditioning.

It’s a vital soft skill that men throughout the ages didn’t need to develop that much. But now that the world is going in a softer direction, it will be vital in all walks of life.

If she talks, open your ears. Don’t open your mouth to deliver your ready-made reply the moment she closes hers. Listen to understand exactly what she wants. You’ll be stunned at how much your relationships will improve.

If you need proof of how little men listen, you can just check all (and I mean all!) my articles under the theme "dating." Check out the comment section and you’ll see men who comment without having read the article, men who think they know better and are entitled to mansplain my arguments away or spew the classic "women don’t know what they want anyway."

8. They have a life outside of her — and respect that she has a life outside of them

Things are different now. Women have different interests now than they used to have even 20 years ago. Interests that they can now practice and afford, like an all-consuming career, traveling the world, or anything else that doesn’t involve a man.

She might still want a man, but her life no longer revolves around one.

Your life shouldn’t revolve around a woman either. I see a lot of men being obsessed with women, unable to stay single even after a bitter divorce, or a damaging relationship. Not even taking the time to heal. It’s more of an addiction than it is a natural need for companionship.

9. They are a good partner

You know, we all think we’re good people. Even mass murderers do.

I remember some serial killer (whose identity is unimportant at the moment) who used to kill prostitutes and he did it because, according to him, he was trying to save their soul from eternal damnation.

See? He even had a good reason for murder.

We all do it. We look at ourselves as good and others are bad. But the truth is, if we take the time to be honest with ourselves, we’ll soon see that we’re not as good as we want to be.

But we want good results. And we want good people in our lives.

All men want a good woman. And all women want a good man. Don’t fool yourself into believing that women want jerks. Women are people, just like you.

That’s why when a man who has proven he’s a good partner shows up he doesn’t last long on the market. A good partner knows how to listen, is helpful, supportive, respectful, couple-oriented, but still fun to be around, and believes what his partner has to say (instead of listening to Andrew Tate and other egomaniac losers).

Be a good partner if you want a good partner. It only takes a bit of self-awareness, compatibility, and choosing emotionally healthy people.

You’ve got this!

It’s not rocket science. If it were, Elon Musk would be in a more stable relationship instead of out there ruining Twitter (X?).

More for You:

Mona Lazar is an unapologetic writer, unconventional relationship coach, and wild dreamer with words published in Better Humans, Medium, Illumination, The Soulciety, Newsbreak, The Startup, Hello, Love, The Good Men Project, Curious, and others.

This article was originally published at Medium. Reprinted with permission from the author.