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Eat the Rich Season 4 Episode 3 Editor’s Rating 3 stars ***

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Eat the Rich Season 4 Episode 3 Editor’s Rating 3 stars ***

All Joe wanted was a simple life, okay? He wants what we all want: to leave a trail of bodies in his wake, on both American coasts, and reinvent himself using a fake identity. But SOMEONE is rudely making that impossible. Joe has decided to handle his stalker like an adult: by ghosting him.

In class, his students are reading Poe’s “The Man of the Crowd.” Just as we get a very on-the-nose discussion about how obsession and love are the same thing, a breaking-news alert jolts the room: Malcolm’s finger was apparently sent to the London Dispatch with a helpful note that reads: “THIS IS NOT A KIDNAPPING. THIS IS A MURDER.” Frankly, I am surprised everyone assumes the note is true. For all anybody else knows, Malcolm is still alive out there! Are anonymous note-writers and pinky-senders typically reliable sources of information? Oh well, anyway, Malcolm is presumed dead, and his murder has been linked to that of Simon’s. The media name for the person they believe is responsible for both: the Eat-the-Rich Killer.

Joe gets a text from his stalker: “Now do I have your attention?” Ghosting isn’t working, so Joe engages. The stalker wants Joe to admit that he is Joe and explain why he did what he did. Joe pulls a classic if I did it and says it would hypothetically be because he had no other options.

Meanwhile, the police have made their way to Kate’s place. Girl, GET CURTAINS. She sends the police Joe’s way, as she should, and he speaks to the police without a lawyer because he is a dumb-dumb. Sometimes I feel like all I do in my recaps is scream through the screen at people to never speak to the police without counsel. If you take nothing else from these recaps, I hope you remember that piece of news you can use for the rest of your days. Kate’s already told the cops that Joe is a new fixture on the scene and that he was the last person to see Malcolm alive. Joe does a little creative rambling about Simon, coercion, and blackmail, and somehow this convinces the police that their resources are better spent hunting down Blue.

The stalker texts Joe: “Kate’s a threat.” Joe thinks the “real game” is that the stalker wants Kate dead. Not for the first time I wonder why Joe has a checkers-not-chess mentality. Probably the stalker doesn’t care who lives or dies so much as they want to make Joe feel the way Joe has made other people feel, like he has no control over his actions or destiny! Joe tells us, via voiceover, that it’s “obvious” he won’t kill Kate, even though I’m not sure to whom he thinks that is obvious. Killing Kate would be a very in-character thing for him to do.

Joe later finds Nadia fishing around the flowers outside Malcolm’s apartment, looking for the hide-a-key. She’s freaking out because she knows this letter she wrote to Malcolm is in there, and if the contents of that letter get out, it will absolutely humiliate her, ruin her life, etc. Joe promises to handle it for her. Unfortunately for Nadia’s ability to survive the season, it is clear she has a type, and that type is Older Male Professor, rendering her very susceptible to Joe’s apparent charms.

At Simon’s funeral, Joe is on the lookout for someone whose grief doesn’t seem genuine. Of course, none of this gang seems genuine, so he’s not going to have much luck ruling people out. Kate is appalled that Joe is here, and he insists Phoebe invited him. Finally, some of these jerks are getting nervous about the idea that a serial killer is on the loose targeting their clique, though Roald acts blasé about the whole thing; he’s much more concerned with comforting Kate (HMM!). Rhys gives a eulogy about how we all wear different masks and that despite oodles of evidence to the contrary, Simon was actually a good person who loved his sister and even gave money to charity. Is Rhys perhaps talking about … himself?! What’s behind his mask, I wonder!

The reception (after-party?) is at Sundry House. Joe thinks he’s bonding with Vic, who says that Lady Phoebe treats him “like family,” which answers my question from the previous recap re: who does Vic work for? However, Vic does not feel any we-are-the-99-percent solidarity with Joe; instead, he notes that Phoebe has a “tendency to take in waifs and strays” and that Joe is quite the dodgy character. Meanwhile, the stalker wants to know why Joe hasn’t gotten around to killing Kate. Which means Joe has no choice but to stalk Kate all day to protect her from his stalker, who will murder her. Unfortunately for Joe, Kate hates his guts and doesn’t want him around. Over the course of a weird, drunk afternoon, he wears her down. She confesses that her mom forbade her from crying as a child and asks Joe how he handled his own emotions growing up. I write in my notes, well, he spent a lot of time in a human-size aquarium where he would trap and murder people for almost no reason at all. Joe says he would cathartically burn things.

After Kate tells Joe that, duh, she knew Malcolm was cheating on her, she takes him to this semi-public secret garden which she calls her and Malcolm’s favorite spot. (I can’t believe she had to do all of this in those heels.) She and Malcolm would go to this garden to sit peacefully among the trees, commune with nature, and have sex in a place where they could potentially be spotted at any time. Joe rationalizes that it’s actually a great strategy to have sex with Kate because it will “distract her.” Kate accuses Joe of being a “romantic” who can’t have meaningless sex; she won’t let him kiss her because “we might fall in love.” Vic watches the whole thing from the bushes, as one does.

Joe wakes up in Kate and Malcolm’s place. I think it’s very funny that he fell asleep on the couch and she fell asleep in her bed. Not that we saw this negotiation take place, but I imagine she exiled him to the couch as soon as they returned to the apartment. Joe finds a stash of letters hidden behind Malcolm’s portrait of himself — in an extremely unlikely but fine-I’ll-buy-it twist, he is able to spot Nadia’s letter, without even opening it, in a thick stack of mail, and remove it from the pile — but Kate catches him in the act and throws him out. “I would rather be cut up into a thousand tiny pieces than spend another second alone with you.” Just wait ‘til you get to know him better, girlie … the two are not mutually exclusive!

Joe’s stalker has been watching Joe “protect” Kate, lol, and taunts Joe by saying that Joe gets off on killing. Joe follows Kate to the crypt where Malcolm’s pinky has been interred so he can watch her have an emotional moment and attempt to cry. As he tries to follow her out, who appears but Vic — with a gun! Vic pulls Malcolm’s ring out of Joe’s pocket. We have no idea who planted it there, but someone is quite intent on making Joe look very, very guilty. A struggle ensues — I did laugh when Joe gets shot through the shoe and thinks, “That would’ve hurt if I still had toes there” — and Joe strangles Vic to death. And guess what, psycho stalker? Joe’s dick has never, EVER been softer. Take THAT.

Joe covers his tracks by writing a letter of resignation to Phoebe on Vic’s behalf and burying Vic’s body with Simon’s coffin. In his exhaustion, he has an epiphany: Maybe his stalker is just a lonely boy. “You want a friend,” he decides. “You want us to be the same.” So Joe pretends that the stalker was right and that he did, in fact, looooove doing a manslaughter today.

Kate makes meaningful eye contact with Joe through the window as she burns Malcolm’s portrait. Then Joe gets an invite from Phoebe to meet her at Sundry House. On his way, Joe gives Nadia the letter along with Joan Didion’s The Year of Magical Thinking. She’s a wreck, and I give her two episodes before she thinks the solution to what ails her is a romantic entanglement with the man who will eventually murder her. Joe is ecstatic to get a text from his stalker asking for an in-person meeting. Joe’s condition is that Kate is left alone, but the stalker makes no promises. When Joe arrives at Sundry House, the gang awaits him with accusatory stares. Also in residence: the police. Hey, it’s not too late to call a lawyer!

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